Fat Brenda's Cream Horn

Hello Weatherfield, it's me, Brenda.

I've been off-the-line this week with me into-net being cut off for non payment so I'm sat in the back yard at Fiz's with me lapse-tops using their wireless. It's flamin' horrible, there's dog-dirt everywhere but beggars can't be choosers.

The biggest news round these parts at the moment has to be Graeme and his argument with Audrey Roberts' car bonnet. Luckily he survived, which is good news for everyone who has to spend time with Tina McIntyre and her constant flamin' scowl! Honestly, she's weary that Tina, she makes Gail look like a barrel of laughs and that's saying summat!

Anyway, he seems to be pulling through and that's good news. They work wonders down at Weatherfield General, you can be in surgery one minute and right as rain the next, it's like flamin' Lourdes! The word on the street is that David Platt hit Graeme on purpose but I can't believe he'd do that. 'But he pushed his own mother down the stairs Bren' I hear you gasp. That is true but, let's be honest, his mother is Gail and I think I'd give her a gentle nudge if we were stood at the top of a staircase together.

I've also been receiving news that Rosie and Jason are becoming our very own Renee and Renato. It started with a burning sausage - doesn't it always! They're a good match I reckon; young, good-looking... that's about it actually. Knowing Jason's form he'll be proposing next week and crying into his pint the week after when she leaves him.

Lloyd's been telling me that Weatherfield's mentalist magnet, Maria, is back to full working order and she's been out for a drink with loose-fists Chris. Here's a tip for you all, if a fella is walking the cobbles thinking he's God's gift with a vest and a check shirt open at the waist, RUN!

Well that's me off now, I need to get out of the back door before I'm seen. Bye Bye loves and, 'if you tweeter it'll be nice to meet yer'. Mary wrote that for me, she's good at that sort of thing.