Assorted Sauces: Sun Apr 11, 2010 Corrie Episode Review

Written by Debbie Oates, directed by Kay Patrick

Sophie’s moping in some alleyway while Sian questions Ryan further about what happened between the two of them and is extremely angry. Sophie is devastated when Sian sends her a text telling her she’s been deleted. Sian invites Ryan to Southport for the weekend, even if he does have to stay in the spare bedroom. Ryan doesn’t seem keen on shifting his band practice. Michelle says he can go, and Sian kisses Ryan goodbye saying it’ll be great that it’s just the two of them without some stupid cow causing them trouble, and Michelle hopes she’s not talking about her. Ryan tells Michelle that Sian and Sophie fell out. Michelle asks Ryan if he slept with someone else and he says “no, I’m not you!” He tells his mum what happened and she tells him to come clean.

Dozy Plebster(?) is busily talking football with her new boyfriend at tea boring the bejesus out of me. He’s telling her all sorts of tall tales and Kev’s more concerned about Sophie’s whereabouts until she busts in the door and runs straight to her room shouting “leave me alone!” I guess it’s just Kyle and Rosie for company at tea for Kev. Was it Thoreau who said that the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation? Count Kev in. Kev asks Rosie to go up and check up on Sophie. At tea, Rosie offers Kyle some sauces to which he makes a joking “assorted sauces?” jig. A light bulb turns on in Kev’s head as he recognizes Kyle from the Burger Van outside County’s ground. Rosie is shocked at her father’s accusation but it’s clear from Kyle’s face that he flips burgers, not goals. Rosie freaks out that he lied to her and throws him his coat telling him to “get out!” Kyle can do nothing else ‘cept blame his fallen arches for why he’s not the footballer of his dream. Well, that’s the end of that.

Kev goes to talk to Sophie and tries to cheer her up about her falling out with Sian. He then notices the henna tattoo on her back and freaks out saying she’s only fifteen and calling her a stupid girl. I suppose he doesn’t realize that they fade away and tells her that she’s grounded until he says otherwise for scarring herself for life. Meanwhile, while waiting for the bus Sian puts two and two together that Ryan is the liar, not Sophie. Sian demands the truth, to which Ryan tells her leaving him out in the dark. Sophie’s at home scouring her henna tattoo when Sian walks in crying and asking for an apology. Sophie is forgiving stating she’d never try to take him off of her. Sian asks Sophie to come to Southport next weekend or something. Sian realizes that Sophie’s scrubbed her skin raw where the henna tattoo was and Sian tells her she’s more important to her than any lad to which they then start kissing and Sian runs out saying she’s got to go. Yikes.

Leanne and Peter are basking in the love-y proposal glow together in the Rovers. Lloyd comes in and sees Cheryl (Leanne’s old mate) at the bar and tries to arm wrestle her over who is getting the next round in. He gets a bit of rough treatment/flirting from her and lets her buy the round. Leanne and Peter invite a few over to theirs for hot drinks to celebrate and Cheryl says she’ll go as long as she’s not late for work and asks Ciaran if there’s a cab company, to which he points to Lloyd stood in front of her. Have they done something to Lloyd to make him look younger? New hair-do? Simon asks Deirdre if she and Granddad were ever engaged and Deirdre telling him “more than once.” Peter tells Simon that he and Leanne and him are for keeps. Peter tells Leanne that they’ll have to move since he doesn’t want to carry her up the stairs just to get her over the threshold.

Graeme tells all at the bar that he’s got two women on his mind and he’s devised a plan to get both without feeling like a bad person. Lloyd is immediately interested in this strategy. Graeme lays it all down to spontaneity. This might be interesting, if I ever thought he could actually GET both of these women he wants. Graeme tries to invite himself to Peter’s party and tells them that the girls he’s after are Rosie and Natasha-sha-sha-sha. The party parts and Cheryl gets her drive to work from Lloyd. Lloyd returns after dropping her off and Ciaran makes it clear that he’s interested in her too. Lloyd mentions to him that he dropped her off at a cash-stop, thought it was strange but whatever.

John and Fiz carry on at the teacher’s do with John drinking enough to be doing Star Wars interpretations. I wonder how many drinks it takes for him to turn into “Juan.” The “fancy dress” lady and John talk all about them bunking together on school getaways causing Fiz to down her glasses of wine with fervor. Fiz is somehow jealous of this woman, but with John as a husband how could you not be? John wanders around Colin’s place and finds himself in the man’s office looking at all his credentials and paperwork. Colin notices John looking at a photo of him and some bird and remarks that she was attractive, but not “lock in the attic” attractive. John gets angry and tells him that one stupid mistake has robbed him of anything he’s ever wanted to be. Colin tells him to have a word with his rose tinted glasses and says teaching isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Colin leaves to get rid of some emo party crashers, what kind of students crash a teacher party? When he leaves, John looks thoughtful at his paperwork. I think we’ve seen that desperate face before and not only once. John quickly finds Fiz piling her plate up at the canape buffet and requests they leave immediately. Fiz wants to know if there’s something he wants to tell her.

Later at home, Fiz wants to know what John was up to when he was “in the loo” for ages. He tells her he went snooping, but Fiz thinks that he and fancy-dress-lady were up to some hanky-panky. To prove he’s not lying, John produces Colin’s paperwork saying he doesn’t know who he is anymore. She reminds him that he’s not Colin Fishwaithe (?) that’s for sure. It takes Fiz a while to realize that John wants to steal Colin’s identity in order to teach again. Fiz points out how ridiculous and criminal this idea is. She wants to burn the paperwork and get it out of his head. Something tells us he doesn’t give a fig about Fiz’s advice.

HIGHLIGHTS

- Simon asking Deirdre and Granddad if they were ever engaged. Haha.
- Michelle hoping Sian didn’t mean her when she told Ryan it’d be great to be just the two of them without any stupid cow (Sophie) causing them trouble.
- Michelle asking Ryan if he slept with someone else and he answered, “no, I’m not you!” Ouch!
- Colin’s continued “locked in the attic” jabs at John.
- Kyle Dmitri and his fallen arches responsible for Rosie Webster’s fallen dreams of being a WAG.

LOWLIGHTS
- Fancy Dress teacher getting John a top-up on his wine leaving Fiz’s empty glass and jaw hanging slack.
- John wanting to steal Colin’s identity in order to teach again. What is wrong with him, does he just LIKE prison? It’s called identity theft idiot.
- Kev freaking out over Sophie’s fake tattoo, then her scouring it until it bled! Gross.

Overall Episode Review: 7.5/10
Drama: 9/10, Humour: 5/10, Classic Corrie: 6/10, Wow Factor: 10/10