The highlight of last night’s double bill was seeing Blanche appear at the Barlows’ dinner party dressed as Quentin Crisp. The lowlight was the comedy of embarrassment at the golf club with Dev trying to talk like a PG Wodehouse character while having his private parts squeezed. In between, there was more hand-wringing at number 7 as Maria stalked around the house like a burglar on the rob, stuffing as many of Tony’s belongings as she could into a bin bag before collapsing on the sofa with not one but two huge cushions over her belly. Liam remained silent throughout despite a night of no sleep, but that’s mainly down to the dummy that’s now been grafted over his mouth. I reckon Maria Connor’s Contented Little Baby Book would really give Gina Ford a run for her money.
We were also treated to a lesson in the therapeutic effects of cleaning. If only Kim Woodburn wasn’t in the jungle, she’d have been beaming. Maria felt like bleaching everything in sight, while Gail (on being told that Joe’s finances were on par with the national debt), immediately scrubbed her kitchen down to the MDF. It should be fun seeing prospective buyers taking a look round her house though: “Yes, this is the garage where I was nearly gassed to death, here are the stairs that my son pushed me down” etc etc.
Finally, a plea for help. Can someone suggest a way of erasing the image of Gail wearing Becky’s wedding dress from my mind? Ever since Mrs McDonald raised the prospect, it’s been plaguing my waking minutes. Even turning Steve’s chicken impression into a mobile-phone ringtone hasn’t helped…
Tea time at the Barlows is always a treat and Blanche was hilarious on tipsy top form. Silly stuff from General Custard and the scenes from the golf club and really annoying behaviour, bording on the insane from Gail about to sell her house to yet again ball out the useless hanger on Joe. I thought he paid the debt up with his van which must have been worth thousands?
ReplyDeleteBlanche was hilarious as always. Loved this little review, had me giggling.
ReplyDeleteBlanche was brilliant. You would think that she, as the matriarch of the family would be a bit ashamed of their antics, but no she shares every last detail with anyone who wants to listen!
ReplyDeleteDev often does that "private parts squeezed" voice. Often when he's in trouble with women though.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if Gail will actually sell her house and pay off Joe's debts before his future untimely death. It'd be a waste if she did!
Oh, admit it, you'd love to see Gail in the feathery number!
Actually, I think it was more Ken who wanted to scare off rival grand-dad George by making sure Blanche was well juiced up on booze during the "tea" party. He knew Blanche would give out the goods once soused and most "decent" people would be horrified at the family stories and make a run for it and stay away -- permanently.
ReplyDeleteBut poor Ken and good on Blanche, it all backfired and now George is even more welcome in Simon's world.
At least thanks to Blanche, all the cards are on the table - the family secrets are out right from the beginning unlike most that come out in dribs and drabs or none at all but fester and manifest in other --perhaps unhealthy ways...