Coronation Street Weekly Update, August 17 2009

Come in, wipe your feet, sit down, chill out. The update this week is wearing its happy hat as it hurtles towards my birthday this coming weekend. Bring on the cake! And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

The big story this week is Steve and Becky’s wedding. From Anna and Hayley shaking their cardigan-clad booty to Gilbert O’Sullivan’s ‘Matrimony’ at Becky’s sober hen-do through to Steve shaking his beer belly on the morning of the wedding, it’s been a jiggle of a wedding and one that ended in tears. At the hen-do, Becky asks Betty for some words of marital advice to which Betty gave this priceless little gem: “Always fill the kettle before you go to bed in case the water goes off in the morning.”

Anyway, Liz legged it back from Spain as Spanish Barbie and then flounced around in a flamenco frock having a mid-life crisis before dumping Lloyd. Then the father of the groom, big Jim from norn iron turned up with Andy in tow bringing the whole McDonald clan back together again. And so far, no-one’s hit anyone else.

So the bride and groom got to the registrar office, sober, and the fella at the front pronounces them man and wife. I thought it was ‘husband and wife’ these days rather than ‘man and his possession’, and why can’t couples be pronounced wife and husband instead? And yes, I am on my feminist soap soapbox. Anyway, the wedding’s done, but Becky wants confirmation. “Are you sure?” she asks the registrar before snogging the face off her newly betrothed.

Th’appy couple then wend their way to the Rovers where there’s balloons and feathers to match Becky’s frock, the champagne’s cracked open and the pies are under a low light. And that’s when it all goes horribly wrong. Hooch pays Slug to put drugs in Becky’s handbag earlier that day and although Betty spots Slug slithering out of the Rovers, she doesn’t recognise Slug or wonder what he’s been up to in the pub so early in the day, she just assumes he’s a punter in need of a pint and tells him the pub’s shut for a private do. But at the wedding reception the cops arrive, search everyone, including Betty’s stash of angina and cholesterol pills before they find the drugs and take Becky to the cop shop where DC Hooch licks his lips with glee that he’s finally nabbed Becky.

No-one believes Becky’s innocence, not even Steve at first and Liz has some choice words to welcome her new daughter-in-law into the McDonald family: “You’re a dirty, disgusting, drug-dealing tramp!” Steve comes round to believing Becky and then tries to bribe Hooch, giving him two grand in cash. “Every village needs an idiot,” says Hooch as he drives away with Steve’s cash in his hand, leaving Steve on the pavement looking somewhat glum. As the ITV continuity woman said: “Oh, Steve, what’ve you gone and done now?”

Elsewhere this week, Tony and Maria went public on their lurve thang and the nation’s stomach heaved. Michelle finds them snogging by the sofa and gets straight on the phone to Ireland to tell Mammy Connor to take a deep breath and do ten Hail Mary’s ‘cos her suspicions were right all along about Maria and the dark fella with the dodgy eye.

Other news in a week dominated by the McDonald-Granger bash is that Norris sacks Ramsay from the Kabin after he smashes his best cup. Even though Ramsay buys his brother another mug, it doesn’t meet with Norris’ approval. “What about its memories?” he asks. Indeed, tea will never taste the same, not in a new cup. Ramsay doesn’t care about the sacking or the mug, he’s planning his return to Australia, news which fair dampens Emily’s mood.

Finally, Molly and Tyrone return from their jollies this week. Molly’s back with a tan under her strapless top and goes straight into doing the laundry and mashing potatoes for Tyrone’s tea. No wonder the girl thinks Kev Webster’s a catch when her life’s so dreary and dull. Kev does his best to escape Molly’s clutches and tells Sally he thinks they should go house hunting in the posh part of town. By ‘eck.

I’m off now to fill up our kettle, just in case.

And that’s just about that for this week.

Find out more about these Coronation Street Weekly Updates.

Coronation Street writers this week were Carmel Morgan, Joe Turner and David Lane.

Glenda
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