Yes, this was the week when Corrie’s star crossed lovers Liam and Maria – ah, what the heck, let’s get up close and personal and nickname them LiaMaria – headed on holiday to the Lake District. Now, if only they’d read the newspapers this week they’d have known not to travel to the Lakes, not to climb the mountains and not to stray off the paths. The Lakes at the moment are a dangerous place to be with one man in the know telling the posh papers this week that even experienced climbers would do well to stay in’t pub and have another pint of real ale and a Cumberland ring rather than take to the heights because of the worst snow he’s seen in years. However, not having combined access to the brain cells to check a weather forecast never mind a storm warning, 
LiaMaria don their funky new waterproofs, aka anoraks, and head off to the peaks with Ozzy the dog. As Maria headed to the hills there was a distinct lack of nuns but I think I was getting confused with a film I had seen over Christmas. While the hills were alive, will Liam be in the same condition by the end of this update?
So there they are, LiaMaria and Ozzy walking along, minding their own business, enjoying the scenery and admiring the view. The rugged face, the peak, the scar top, the cleft, Maria admired it all in Liam’s handsome face until pretty boy fell from the fell and did himself a mischief. Far too many tears for one soap ensued and Maria spent the best part of two episodes in a mascara-streaked tear-fest. The Keswick Mountain Rescue Team came to the rescue with four words of help: Abseil. Stretcher. Helicopter. Hospital. But at th’ospital, there were more words that Maria didn’t want to hear and that was the nurse telling her that Liam’s waking words were a heartfelt plea for “his Carla.” Having spent the week in tears in a bad jumper, Maria carried on as she started and had another big weep.
Back on the Street there was less danger this week but just as much intrigue. John Snape came fussing around Fiz hoping to win her back. “I might have been unfaithful with my body,” he told her about being ensnared by the power of minx, “but I was never unfaithful with my brain.” Women up and down the country pretended to stick their fingers down their throat and mimed a throwing up motion on the living room carpet (I know I did) at this point. We all hoped to high heaven that Fiz would do the right thing and tell John where to go - the Lake District, preferably, at the top of a very high and slippery peak, somewhere that the Keswick Mountain Rescue Team couldn’t get to even if they wanted. But no, she took him for a coffee in Roy’s café instead. Poor Fiz, you could tell she was tempted to give him another try but with Becky in one ear, Chesney in t’other, and even Schmeichel giving her pleading looks, all of them urged Fiz on to give John the heave-ho. She’s missing him, of course, but Fiz will rise from the ashes of her spent, burnt out passion to spread her wings and fly, ooh, all the way to Rosamund Street. Just you wait and see.
Speaking of the minx, Rosie returned to School this week to smirks from Amber at the bus stop. Amber told Rosie that she’d heard that John Stape had been fired from his teaching job and was now only allowed to work at an all-boy school, full of ugly boys. Even sister Sophie got in a few jibes, calling her older sister a “home-wrecking, teach-loving tart.” I love lines like that, don’t you?
Speaking of the minx, Rosie returned to School this week to smirks from Amber at the bus stop. Amber told Rosie that she’d heard that John Stape had been fired from his teaching job and was now only allowed to work at an all-boy school, full of ugly boys. Even sister Sophie got in a few jibes, calling her older sister a “home-wrecking, teach-loving tart.” I love lines like that, don’t you? Elsewhere, Liz and Vernon went off on honeymoon to Nashville but it was a close run thing. Vernon found out that Liz had planned to call off the wedding before she went through with it last week and he was deeply wounded, thinking that he would always come second place to big Jim. Liz assured her new hubby that all was well, even though it wasn’t, and the two of them trundled off in a taxi to Tennessee.
Meanwhile, Becky smirted with Harry this week as she had a sly fag outside of the caff. Apparently, to smirt is the new word for having a bit of a flirt while you’re having a fag. I know someone who smarts. Harry’s still keeping his eye on wayward son Dan in the betting shop after Dan barred Blanche from putting tuppence ha’penny bets on in the bookies as she sits there with her foil wrapped sandwiches and flask of hot drink. Apropos of nothing, but seeing Blanche this week did make me wonder where Eccles the dog has got to these days.
Over in the Rovers, Michelle proved what a dab hand she is at wearing the carpet thin by walking backwards and forwards, chewing over her worries with a cup of tea in her hands. All she’s done for weeks is mope around and moan to anyone who’ll listen, usually Steve, that she doesn’t know what to do for the best over the stalker shenanigans. Steve’s so fed up listening to her whinge that his face has gone puffy.
Over in the Rovers, Michelle proved what a dab hand she is at wearing the carpet thin by walking backwards and forwards, chewing over her worries with a cup of tea in her hands. All she’s done for weeks is mope around and moan to anyone who’ll listen, usually Steve, that she doesn’t know what to do for the best over the stalker shenanigans. Steve’s so fed up listening to her whinge that his face has gone puffy. 
And finally this week, David Platt’s new girlfriend arrived. Well, viewers don’t yet know that she’s David’s girlfriend but we’ve read enough about her in Celeb-Dazzle-Glitz magazine or whatever it’s called to know that she’ll turn out to get very close to demon Dave. Her name’s Tina McIntyre and she’s done so well so far by managing to get on the wrong side of Gail in the health centre. More news on Tina next week, that’s if you don’t read it first in Celeb-Dazzle-Glitz. Available from newsagents all over the place. Coronation Street writers this week were Jan McVerry, Stephen Bennett, Joe Turner and Simon Crowther.
And that’s just about that for this week.
Glenda
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