Coronation Street Weekly Update, December 18 2007

Shivering salutations from the frozen tundra of the weekly update office. I forgot to tell the Gas Board I was coming back to work so there’s no heating on and I’m writing the update today wearing a woolly scarf and a bobbly hat, keeping warm from the flickering heat of a Mandle Candle. What’s that dear? Am I really? No, of course not. I’m cosy at home with the wireless on, a huge cup of tea and my feet in a big heated slipper.

I’ll not be here next week because it’s Christmas and I’ll be lying under the tree with a small sweet sherry in my hand. But I will be back soon. Before I get started I’d like to say a huge thank you to all of you who emailed me with lovely messages to welcome back the weekly updates. It was quite overwhelming. Wherever you are and whichever way you celebrate, Merry Christmas to you all. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

Audrey’s son Stephen is a welcome delight back on the Street. He’s become close to David and sees something in his nephew that no-one else does – a cheap and keen labour force. Mind you, I’d be a bit suspicious if my estranged uncle made me an offer I couldn’t refuse – and in Italy too. Who knows what Stephen’s been up to for the last 10 years? Was he really in Canada or was it Cosa Nostra? What’s really behind his offer of the Italian job? Will David leave his family for the Family? Is Stephen the Boss? Will David start spouting Mafia-speak, telling his new Italian mates: “I want the spaghetti hoops-a, just like my mama used to make.” So many questions, and if you ask me, not enough answers. This doesn’t deter David, who packs his clothes and starts planning his new life. Sarah’s not best pleased and threatens David that she’s going to spoil his plan of a life in the sun as she wants a pizza the action herself. And I wouldn’t put it pasta.

Over in the Rovers, Jim and his old mucker Bill have a drink at the bar. Liz gets nervous when she sees Jim walk in and then starts quaking in her boots when some rowdy lads kick off and a drink gets spilt down Jim’s back.The locals stand back and wait for the explosion. Liz has her dialling finger on the phone ready to press three nines in succession and call for the cops. The drums roll, the tension mounts, the volcano inside ex-con Jim simmers… and ffffttt… nothing happened. Jim has clearly been exchanged for a non-violent double. He told the lad there was no problem, he told Elizabeth he was a changed man, so he was, after the anger management classes in the big house. Liz is astounded with the change in Jim’s behaviour and can’t believe the calmness he exudes. I can’t even believe I’m writing this about Jim McDonald too but I saw it with me own eyes so I know it to be true. After hours in the pub, Liz tells Jim that she’s sorry she doubted him and the two of them warm to each other in the glow of the optics. Just as they’re getting cosy, in walks Vernon who gets paranoid and jealous, but he’s the one who gets to take Liz up the apples and pears to Bedfordshire. Outside on the Street, jailbird Jim saw the light as he passed by her window and caught the flickering shadows of love on her blind. Liz was his woman and as she deceived him he watched and went out of his mind. Oh aye, aye, aye, Elizabeth.

Now then, when Violet’s sister Lauren turned up on the Street a couple of weeks ago I thought she had potential. She stepped out of the cab, looked at herself in her little mirror, smacked her lips together and declared herself: “Fabulous!”. Wahey, I thought, this ‘un looks good. But now I’m not so sure. Maybe she just isn’t getting the dialogue she was handed by the fab Corrie writer Jonathan Harvey in her first episode but Lauren’s losing my interest already, which is rather sad. She moved in with the domestic goddess that is Eileen this week as Violet and Jamie moved into Michelle and Ryan’s old flat. Lauren and Eileen could work well together, we’ll have to wait and see for now.

The new bookies continued to ease their way into their new life. Dad Harry shows potential, he’s trying to extricate himself from his third wife, a harridan of a woman who is after Harry’s cash. We’ve only ever heard her referred to and have seen Harry on the phone to her but by ‘eck, I hope she turns up and gives him what for. She’s one of the best characters we’ve never seen on Corrie, second only to Fat Brenda from Levenshulme of course. Son Dan is a bit less likable, for this fan anyroad, and tried most of the week to get off with Mel Morton’s lady policeman friend Abi. After trying to chat her up all week, he finally got her back to his flat only to find Harry had moved in and Abi walked out. It’s a fair cop.

However, Dan looked in danger of forming a relationship with another of the Street’s women in the form of Blanche Hunt. Well, she’s no stranger to the odd gamble now and then and even stole all the pens from the bookies shop too.


Meanwhile, John took Rosie on a romantic date this week. Ha, just fooling you. They had a lay in a lay-by in John’s knackered old car. Rosie told John she wanted him all to herself over the school holidays at Christmas, but this didn’t fill John with Christmas cheer. The showdown to this story comes out next week on Christmas Day when there’s frillies thrown around at the Websters’ Christmas dinner. I can’t wait to see it unfold.

Elsewhere this week, Michelle met Ryan’s stalker and he told her that his son Alex was swapped at birth with Ryan. The swap story shocker proves too much for Michelle and she spent much of the week in tears.

Her streak-free mascara deserves an update of its own.

And finally this week, Liam wasn’t happy when Catalogue Tony sent the Underworld girls off on a paid half-day holiday and closed the factory down. As you can imagine, the factory girls reckon that Catalogue Tony is second only to James Blunt in their top ten of best men.

And that’s just about that for this week. Merry Christmas!
Glenda
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