Wednesday, 6 February 2019

The Odd Couple(s) On The Cobbles

I had an odd dream the other night that Tracy and Billy were going out together. It started because Tracy flirted with him just as a self-esteem boost, but he really fell for her and started following her around like a lost little puppy. This storyline isn't likely to ever happen, given that TPTB have already done the gay-to-straight story when Marcus started dating Maria, before Todd reminded him which side he played for by giving him a good going over on poor Eileen's sofa. But with Valentine's Day coming up, I thought of a few other odd pairings that might, just might, work. I mean, nowadays Peter and Carla are the Burton and Taylor of Weatherfield but before they started their affair, they didn't even share any scenes with each other, it was Peter 4 Leanne 4 ever at that point, so it was an enlightened decision on the part of the storyliners to entangle them.

Abi and Tim. Ok, this would mean splitting up Sally and Tim and whichever writer did that would be fearing for their lives, but it'd be kind of fun, wouldn't it? She'd lead him a merry dance, but he'd be a good step-dad to Seb and maybe even the unseen twins. Plus the writers have form for the cobbles imitating (romantic) life. Tina O'Brien went out with Bruno Langley and then Ryan Thomas - Sarah-Lou dated Todd and then Jason.

Tracy and Mary. Steve has forgotten that it's Valentine's Day and hasn't given Tracy a pressie or even a card. Heavy snow has caused a power cut. As Tracy and Mary bunch flowers for other lovers in candle light, their eyes meet across some cut-price red roses. "You are the rose to my thorn," admits Tracy. "A kiss from a rose?" warbles Mary. Everyone forgets about Kana, #Macy is the new hashtag du jour.

Dev and Alya. Since she was "widowed", and then narrowly escaped Evil Josh, Alya hasn't had anyone to toss her ironed hair at. Dev was dumped by Gina for Tim, surely a blow to the ego of an ageing lothario. There's an age difference, sure,  but *cough* Tina *cough* Peter. He would treat her like the princess she surely knows she is and she could boss him around a bit a lot. Plus there might be an interesting cultural angle with a mixed Hindu/Muslim couple, although apart from Speed Dahl being a teetotal establishment, which surely must be a nice break for the residents' livers, the Nazirs being Islamic seems to be a plot point forgotten. Pretty sure I saw Alya eat a sandwich during Ramadan. A sandwich!

Roy and Audrey. Aud needs a man like Liz needs spray-on jeggings. After the disasters of Geoff and Lewis, the fragrant Mrs Roberts decides to go for a toy-boy. It works - he gets free trims, she has free coffees to slip her gin into at the caff. He goes off on train or bat-spotting weekends, leaving her free for more power walks in the Peaks with Gail.


Norris and Evelyn. Norris returns from "Peru" and finds Ceberus in his shop, chewing up Mary's copy of The Lady and Billy's Bad Boys And The Christians Who Love Them serial (parts 1-10). They have a nasty row, but later, Evelyn softens towards him when he offers her some out of date pineapple cubes half price. They spend the rest of eternity making Vicious comments in the Rovers. Jonathan Harvey and Damon Alexis-Rochefort fist fight over who gets to write their dialogue. It'd mean that Norris would have to divorce Mary, but by this point, she and Tracy have opened up a B&B in Chorlton-cum-Hardy and have adopted Eva's cat that everyone had forgotten about.

Michelle and herself. Nuff said.

Imran and me. A GIRL CAN DREAM, can't she?

Which Corrie characters would you couple up, given the chance? The odder the better!

Send Rachel Stevenson an anonymous Valentine on twitter.

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MartesBC said...

Oh Rachel, I think I shall be chuckling all day after reading your post... yes the fun possibilities, the heart, the drama, the caustic cerebral acid i.e humour... and the only thing you blew up was Sally and Tim's relationship! well done!

popcorn said...

No! Imran and ME!

Rachel Stevenson said...

Thank you Martes!

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