Saturday, 9 May 2015

Taking the Audrey Roberts option

Of course, there could be no truth in this theory whatsoever. Indeed, it's probably a load of nonsense dreamt up by someone suffering from sleep deprivation caused by too much General Election coverage. Bear with.

Audrey Roberts, I salute you! Bless her, for she has had the nous and common sense to avoid her entire family for weeks. Gail's wedding? No show. Erica's pregnancy? 'Sorry luvvie, I'm busy'. Max disappears? Radio silence from Aud. One can only surmise that from her pad on Grassmere Drive, Audrey has come to the conclusion that she cannot stomach another scene where the entire family is wedged into the increasingly familiar set at number eight.

In scenes reminiscent of early pantomime Nazir sightings, the entire Platt/Tilsley/Rodman combo all have to appear 'en mass' in any family related scene. Nick abandons his business. David rushes from the salon. Sarah presumably dismounts the box she is surely perched on behind the Rovers bar. They all take their places in that God-awful house, jammed on to the sofa or stood around it in some kind of horse-shoe formation. Cue useless wittering from Michael, non-amusing one-liner from Bethany and screwed-up facial expressions from Nick. Then add to this delightful ensemble Andy/Gavin/Whatever with a mug like an Easter Island statue and Steph who seems to be permanently on the verge of a breakdown. At this point the living room door will be flung open and, for no reason whatsoever, Callum, channelling the late Charles Hawtrey, minces in and terrifies us with his witty badinage. No Audrey though. Not a word nor a whisper from Camilla-lite. Behind closed doors in the posh bit of town, she is no doubt pouring herself a decent measure of gin and ignoring the ringing of her mobile. Audrey is unavailable. You can only sympathise with her.

The seemingly endless merry-go-round based at number 8 is almost bordering on farce. Like demented cuckoos in a clock, the family pop in and out with dizzying regularity. It has to stop. Either that or whip out the front door and install a lovely new turnstile. In the meantime, Audrey isn't available. She's on page four of Anna Karenina and refuses to budge from her sofa until she's read the entire novel. Slowly.



Download our App | Follow on Twitter @CoroStreetBlog | Like on Facebook


Creative Commons Licence
All original work on the Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License

15 comments:

Flaming Nora said...

Love it!

Anonymous said...

I would love to see more of Audrey.
Hopefully we'll see Audrey be the supportive friend to Ken when Deirdre dies and none of her family.

Anonymous said...

Have the writers completely given up on the idea of Bethany going to school? She seems to be around for every impromptu family meeting.

Humpty Dumpty said...

If Bethany stays in W'field, she and Audrey could eventually get on famously. Bethany should move in with her great grandma and become her protégé. Sarah, meanwhile, can do as she likes. It would make such a welcome change for a feisty 14 year old girl in Corrie to turn into a poised, elegant young woman (think 'Ladette to Lady' or even 'Pygmalion').

Frosty the Snowman said...

Audrey seems to be conspicuous by her absence lately, hope Sue Nicols is OK. Great comments about the rest of the Platt tribe, wth Sarah standing gormless and Bethany rolling her eyes so much surprised they dont roll out of her head altogether. I wonder how the Bistro have any clientele at all with the Platts having their consistent set tos in there.

Anonymous said...

Love it, and my chuckling is upsetting the dog again! So, so true... every bit of it, about the comedy Platt scenes these days. And Humpty, I love your idea for Bethany. (In fact, thank you to everyone who writes for and contributes to this blog in any way, I enjoy it so much.) Sue.

Anonymous said...

Anyone other than Sarah having any influence over Bethany could only be an improvement.

Zagg said...

I am really not for Audrey mentoring Bethany the Be-otch in any way. I love Audrey and look forward to her scenes. If they pair her with the horrid Bethany, that would spoil her onscreen time for me.
I am sincerely hoping that they are writing exit plots for Sarah and Bethany. They are the biggest disappointment and worst return of characters ever.

Anonymous said...

Character chemistry is so hard to predict, case in point being Tim and Sally. Does Bethany need a good hiding or a caring mentor? Sometimes it seems like a character's redemption is one chess move away. What if Bethany, outside of all expectation, ended up in a relationship with Craig and he was the making of her?

Clinkers (David) said...

Love the idea of Ladette to Lady for Bethany. She's obviously no dummy so it would be a bit sad to see her serving pints or sewing knickers in a few years time.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, David! Up until now I've been thinking to myself "uh, just fast forward through this interminable Platt-based drek". Now I shall think "just take the Audrey option".

Anonymous said...

Now where did I put my copy of Anna Karenina?

Anonymous said...

Zagg, completely agree with you. The sooner Sarah & Bethany are written out, the better.

Just not working, either of them.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely loved the article! Agree with Zagg as usual. Time for Bethany and Sarah to go back to Milan it just isn't working.
Bethany is intolerable to me. She so rude and disrespectful to everyone. If she acts like at school how long before she is suspended? Would love to see the back of them!

maggie muggins said...

Hilarious post, Clinkers! Love "stood around it [the sofa] in some kind of horse-shoe formation"

I'm one of the few who likes Bethany. Not her petulant Mum, who's permanently p****d off about nothing that ever matters a hoot. Bethany though, is a juvenile jewel who rolls her eyes but throws out her lines with panache. The actress can turn on a dime from annoying (who wouldn't be, with that family) to genuinely interested in her Gran, who seems to give her the benefit of the doubt. I vote - move in with Aud fast!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Our Top 10 Blog Posts in last 7 days (automatically updated)

Click on a name to find out more about your Corrie favourites!

adam barlow aidan connor alan halsall alex bain alexander bain alison king alison sinclair all about soap awards alma baldwin amy barlow amy kelly andrea beckett andy whyment anna windass antony cotton audrey roberts awards baby Oliver barbara knox barlows battleaxes becky mcdonald behind the scenes ben price ben tagoe bet gilroy bet lynch beth tinker bethany platt betty driver betty turpin betty williams betty's hotpot bev callard beverley callard bill roache billy mayhew billy the vicar blanche hunt brian packham brooke vincent bruno langley can i visit the coronation street set Canada canadian coronation street fans carla connor Cath Tyldesley catherine tyldesley cathy matthews celebrities on coronation street characters joining coronation street characters leaving coronation street cherylee houston chesney brown chris gascoyne chris harper claire king classic corrie clothes worn on coronation street colson smith competition connor mcintyre conversation street coronation street coronation street art coronation street babies Coronation Street Blog - the book coronation street cartoons coronation street fan events coronation street fan of the week coronation street fans coronation street funerals coronation street history coronation street in canada coronation street look-a-like coronation street map coronation street men coronation street merchandise coronation street news coronation street preview coronation street spoilers coronation street weekly update coronation street weekly updates coronation street writers craig tinker damon alexis-rochefort damon rochefort daniel brocklebank daran little david neilson david platt debbie oates debbie rush debbie webster deirdre barlow deirdre hunt denise osbourne derek griffiths dev alahan eileen derbyshire eileen grimshaw Elle Mulvaney ellie leach ellie-louise leach elsie tanner emily bishop emily nugent ena sharples erica stewart exclusive interview exercise dvds famous people who have been in corrie fat brenda favourite females favourite males faye windass feckless fellas in coronation street filming locations filming mistakes fiz brown fiz stape florizel street flying ducks gail rodwell gary windass gary's army diaries gay and lesbians gay men in coronation street gay men in soaps gay women in soaps granada manchester coronation street set granada studios gurn of the week helen flanagan helen worth hilda ogden hilda ogden's curlers Hope Stape hot pot how to contact coronation street inside soap inside soap magazine izzy armstrong jack p shepherd Jack P. Shepherd jane danson jean alexander jennie mcalpine jigsaw jimmi harkishin job vacancies at coronation street joe duttine johnny connor jonathan harvey julie goodyear julie hesmondhalgh kabin kate fitzgerald kate ford katherine kelly kathy jones katie mcglynn ken barlow kev webster kevin webster kieran roberts kirk sutherland kylie platt kylie turner kym marsh leanne barlow leanne battersby leanne tilsley liam bairstow lily platt lisa george liz mcdonald lloyd mullaney Lucy Fallon luke britton maggie jones malcolm hebden manchester tart marc baylis maria connor mark llewellin martin sterling mary taylor matriachs maxine's bench michael le vell michelle connor mikey north mikey north miley windass minnie caldwell mothers on the cobbles music in the rovers nathan curtis new set new zealand newton and ridley nick tilsley nick's bistro nigel pivaro no.1 Coronation Street no.11 coronation street no.13 coronation street no.3 coronation street no.5 coronation street no.6 coronation street no.7 coronation street no.9 coronation street norris cole norris cole's brother nuttalls brewery odd side of the street official coronation street website oldham coliseum oliver battersby on location opening titles original cast our blog is the best blog in the world outside broadcast paper boys paper girls pat phelan pat phoenix patti claire patti clare paula lane peter barlow peter gunn pets on coronation street pictures of the coronation street set pigeons pillars of the community platt family plot holes props qasim akhtar quay street returning characters rita fairclough rita littlewood rita sullivan rita tanner road to coronation street rob donovan rob mallard romanian holiday rosamund street rosie webster rovers bosses rovers fire rovers return rovers return barmaids rovers return fire rovers return landlady roy and hayley roy cropper roy's rolls roys rolls ryan thomas sair khan sally webster sally and tim sally dynevor sally dyvenor Sally Metcalfe sally webster sally whittaker sam aston samia ghadie samia longchambon sarah platt Sarah-Louise Platt schmeichel sean tully shayne ward shelley king simon barlow simon crowther simon gregson sinead tinker six episodes per week sophie webster special effects speculation spin-off spoilers state of the street steve mcdonald storyline speculation storylines streetcars sue cleaver sue johnston sue nicholls susan barlow susan oudot sylvia cropper sylvia goodwin terry duckworth the corrie years the kabin the Nazirs the newspaper boy the road to coronation street through the years tim metcalfe tina o'bren tina o'brien Tina O’Brien tiricia hopkins todd grimshaw tony warren Tony Warren inspiration tours of coronation street toyah battersby tracy barlow trafford set tram crash tricia hopkins tyrone dobbs underworld underworld sign unofficial book unofficial merchandise unseen characters viaduct street victoria court fire vip bloggers walking tours watch coronation street online weatherfield weatherfield arms weatherfield council weatherfield county weatherfield county football club weatherfield fire station weatherfield gazette weatherfield haulage Weatherfield high Weatherfield Open Days weatherfield style weatherfield wayfarer websters' autos wedding wedding dress weddings weekly awards weekly update where have you seen william roache William Roache Interview window cleaners writers for soaps Yasmeen nazir zeedan nazir