Thursday, 2 April 2015

The Waltons of Weatherfield


Just how big are the extended Platt-McIntyre-Rodwell-Tilsley family going to get? I'm starting to think ITV should invest in a spinoff show just for the residents of 8 Coronation Street and their entourage. It's Plattination Street. 

I know each character in Corrie needs his or her time in the storylining limelight but it feels like Gail's brood have been dominating screen time for months on end now. What with the ongoing complex Andy/Gavin saga, David's custody battle with Camp Callum for Max and now the return of Sarah-LOU and Bethany, it's all getting a bit much. At the same time all Audrey gets to do is tut "Oh Gail/Bethany/David/Sarah-LOU" and lug Ken's massive tome about (say nothing) while Nick occasionally turns up and grimaces.

Oh the Waltons of Weatherfield just keep on expanding like some mad experiment conducted by Kenneth Williams and Fenella Fielding in Carry On Screaming. If only they'd vitrify Bethany and Gail and turn them into non-speaking extras for a while. It would allow the viewers time to recover. I'm all for making Corrie about family relationships even if it does smack a bit of EastEnders.

A lot of people love Gail and Michael together. While I think he is a superb match for our Gail it does mean we have to endure lots of beige-jumpered eye fluttering and mutual simpering. The writers have cleverly given Michael a life-threatening heart condition so at least there's a way out for us if it all gets a bit too Last of the Summer Wine.

My main regret about the Andy/Gavin storyline is that it has drawn the lovely Steph into the stinking mire. Would she really have gone along with all the lies, deception and comedy coverups for the sake of snivelling, shifty-eyed Andy? She entered stage left as a street-smart, bright, intelligent young woman. I hope she doesn't exit stage right as the complete opposite. It's happened oh so many times before. My other sadness is that the evil Gavin didn't stay on for longer. He was properly horrid and very convincing. He could have shown Callum how it is really done.

I know Gail has kept the dodgy secret for the sake of Michael's equally dodgy ticker but surely even she must know it will all come out in the wash. And when Michael does inevitably find out the truth he won't have the benefit of ITV player or the pause button so he can take a comfort break or make a cup of hot sweet tea to revive himself. Will the massive revelations finish him off before he's got the chance to fully engage with the delightful grown up Bethany? 

Ah yes, Bethany Platt. Do you think she swallowed the Hovis theme on her way back from over seven years in Milan because the odd mention of Nonna or pepperoni or Sarah's Roberto just ain't going to cut it. Gino D'acampo could dub all her lines and I still wouldn't buy it. I wonder if Sarah enrolled her in a module of "How to speak Weatherfield" just in case she ever had to pop back for a spot of underage drinking with shifty-eyed Andy in t'Rovers. Apart from the accent, or lack thereof, there is also the incredibly irritating requirement for her to swivel her eyes in the standard wild child-dabbling in shoplifting-giving cheek to anyone who's been in the show long enough to remember Annie Walker kind of way. We've seen it all before. 

To make the whole thing more believable apparently the older, wiser, more mature "I've lived in Milan and worked for Uncle Stephen" Sarah-Lou will apparently start bedding Camp Callum the drug dealer and fill in the rest of her time behind the pumps in the Rovers bar. There's career progression for you.

Meanwhile we must endure the ongoing Max/Callum/David round robin of angst-ridden nasty camp posturing. I'm waiting for Callum and David to just get down to it on Gail's impossibly tiny couch. That would make a good re-entry for Kylie, as it were. The way David moans on about Kylie is very strange considering he actually threw her out and told her not to come back. Not so weird then that she's actually done what it says on the tin. Callum had still not grown on me the last time I saw him snarl up the cobbles in his pimped up spiv-mobile. He'll be excellent if the Rovers ever do another festive panto. Oh yes he will!

I know I mentioned that poor Nick hasn't had much to do of late but he's soon to muscle into the Platt-o-sphere with an apparent dalliance with Carla Connor, or Dame Fenella Fielding Of The North as I like to call her. I can't see this being a love match. Nick must still be recovering from being Kim Tate's adventure playground. Heaven knows what she used as a climbing frame but I bet it didn't light up and buzz. Carla is a vision and I adore her. Would she really ask Nick for help with, well, anything and then pop open the Angie Freeman vintage red wine with him? After Paul/Frank/Tony/Peter I think not. 

Out of all of this I'm most interested in Audrey's verdict on Anna Karenina. I've never read it but I understand it goes on for a thousand pages. A bit like one of the scripts for the Platt dynasty. 


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17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Highly recommend Anna Karenina - very soapy - give it a go! No need to carry around a heavy tome. I'm sure you can read it online...

Humpty Dumpty said...

Welcome back, Graeme. I knew it was your blog because it felt like someone was reading my thoughts! Can someone tell me whether Sarah still works for Uncle Stephen because, if so, he would have given her compassionate leave? Does she work for someone else now and has got the sack? Not that it matters, of course. The whole story is ridiculous though it is nice to see the mature Sarah.

Anonymous said...

I think it's ironic for David to be critised for missing Kylie despite the fact he threw her out and who may I add was getting drugs from Callum in their house on Christmas Day while 'mature' Sarah was getting a warm welcome from her mother even though she framed David with drugs to get the job in Milan.
I hope though that Gail does not support Sarah's relationship with aforementioned drug dealer Callum either.

Zagg said...

I agree, enough with all the Platts. It's been going on for over a year now with the whole Kylie sleeping with Nick etc...way too much screen time for this family and the Strong-Asses too.
I have to say I liked Michael kind of...in the beginning. Now I despise him. For all of his mealy mouthed moaning, he can actually be quite quick tempered and horrible to Gail. And Gail. Poor Helen Worth. This character has been reduced to a simpering idiot. It is very hard to watch. Where is Richard Hillman with car and canal when you need him?
And you are so right about Steph. Holy smokes. What happened to her? Going along with this whole Andy/Gavin charade is ridiculous. What is she getting out of it besides possible jail time in the future? A roll in the sack? He ain't worth it, honey. And Andy....I could slap his silly face. I am sick of him acting like he's a good guy and barely responsible for all of this. He is not a good guy. He is a user, a thief and a wimp who is forcing other people to manage his mistake. It is now so beyond the realm of even soap land that it's just freakin' annoying. I hate this story line. I say tell Michael the truth, let him have one big massive Bon Voyage heart attack, let Andy be driven out of town or to jail, I don't care and let Steph go get her head examined. Perhaps then, Gail will stop fluttering her bloody eyelashes.

Anonymous said...

Zagg, very well said! I couldn't agree more. Time to tell bloody Michael the truth and let the chips fall where they may. Gail has turned into a complete idiot fluttering her damn eyelashes, whimpering and whining after Michael yuk! All Steph does now is follow Andy around like a puppy dog with her hair in that damn bun looking worried and stressed. For God's sake time to wrap this stupid storyline up once and for all! As far as Callum and the child custody crap has Callum ever had a DNA test? The way Kylie used to play around I wouldn't be a bit surprised if it turns out he's not the kid's father at all. Also why I'm on a rant everyone seems to have conveniently forgotten that David also done time? He isn't exactly lily-white himself has a history of violence pushing his own mother down the stairs in a temper tantrum.

Laura said...

David's no angel, but I don't think he intentionally pushed Gail down the stairs. It was an accident during a struggle, like Rob/Tina. He was shocked and started to call an ambulance...but then he did hang up and leave her there, so yeah, not exactly ideal guardian material.

Interesting idea about Callum turning out not to be Max's dad after all. Certainly look nothing alike. Would be a nice way to get rid of the character once the arc is over.

Anonymous said...

Graeme, great post. I agree with you and Zagg both. Thanks for chiming in.
Bev

Anonymous said...

Anonymous,It was more than a 'temper tantrum',David had just found out Gail had paid to have Tina have an abortion when she was pregnant with his child behind his back.
Gail still didn't learn her lesson from that fall either as she also kept quiet about Kylie and Nick's one night stand,even hoping Nick was Lily's father[where is she anyway?}and is still lying to Michael and committing fraud in Nick's bistro while whining it's all Andy's fault and she has to 'protect'Michael.

Anonymous said...

I recenly watched the vivien leigh version of anna karenina - it's not bad and keeрs to the book well, i definitely рrefer it to the keira knightley version ( for those too lazy to read it that is :))

Anonymous said...

I am actually quite intrigued by the Carla and Nick match. They share many things in common and I could see them growing into genuine friends after they share a bit of comfort in each other's beds.

Anonymous said...

Maybe macca is max's dad? :)

Frosty the Snowman said...

Yep agree with you Graeme. Not sure about Mr Blackburn's obsession with bringing spent characters back. I do agree that the extended Platt family gets far far too much screen time. With Kyle's imminent return there will be 8 people living in the Platt house which is just stupid while Audrey just turns up for tea - calls everyone Sweed tart and makes an excuse that her boiler is on the blink so none of her relations can stay with her.

The irrelevant scene with Gail at Gavin's graveside - why did she even go? talking to him and asking him "do you have time for this" was embarrasing in the extreme.

The wooden and camp Callum is obviously a favourite of the PTB, I dont give a monkeys about his tiresome antics. I cant wait for Kylie's return so hopefully he disappears for good.

Anonymous said...

Totally agree about Michael. Starting with Gail failing to make their wedding on time, and continuing on through his drinking at the Rovers, etc he has been an utter d*** to her. He speaks to her like she is a child, and granted she acts like it sometimes, but adult partners shouldn't be spoken to like that. ALSO, Gail being mad at Andy and Steph is getting old. Get over it. Either go along or tell Michael. Stop acting like they have committed the greatest crime ever committed.

Anonymous said...

Frosty,I agree with your comments about Gail visiting Gavin's grave as I also wondered why would she visit the grave of the man who was blackmailing her.
I also thought the visit was even more strange considering she never visited the graves of her stepdaughter Tina,her grandson Billy[Sarah and Todd's son who died at birth] or Maxine Peacock who was murdered by her 4th husband Richard Hillman.

Anonymous said...

Ah, Graeme I chuckled so much at the bits about camp Callum and David it's made my dog come to check what's up with me! Somehow don't think tonight's episode will be so amusing. Great article thanks! Susan

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous 15:18, not saying it's a great storyline, but presumably she's showing up at the grave, depositing flowers, and so on, to keep up appearances, so no one checks up on Michael to find out why he's ignoring the memory of his dead son. A heavy burden, Gail, and a big flower budget.

Anonymous said...

I agree. The Plattsburgh are too do I sting of current storylines. Let's hope that the Gavin/Michael story cones to a conclusion soon.....

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