In Corrie land, with its knicker factory Underworld, we’d be forgiven for thinking the textile industry is prospering when the real story is that it is in decline, with most manufacturing moving abroad where production is cheaper. But the fortunes of home-sewn scanties might be just about to change as superhero Mary Portas, formerly Queen of Shops, now Queen of Pants, swoops down on Manchester. Bottom Line (C4) tells the story.
Middleton, half an hour outside Manchester, used to have 11 textile factories as recently as the year 2000. Now it has one. But in a case of life imitating art, Portas wants to kick-start the industry by re-opening one of the factories and producing a new line in lingerie, the British-made Kinky Knickers. We like to think that Mary looked to the cobbles when choosing the location and we’re eager to point out a golden opportunity to do some crossover TV.
Here’s some trademark Portas that we think would transfer well to Coronation Street. In Bottom Line she saucily asks the Nottingham lace man, ‘Can I show you my knickers?’ She also tries a pair of pants on for size – over her trousers. Now why don’t we see more of this in Underworld? Portas also visits the world’s biggest lingerie fair in Paris where female models in bras and knickers mill about – cool as a cucumber – among business-suit clad professionals. How we sniggered at the extreme close-up of a male model in his trolleys.
In Corrie, we’d like to see Portas take Carla to task over British-made lace, the ladies going head to head and becoming quite puerile with tit-for-tat snapping of bra straps and an underhand twanging of knicker elastic as soon as backs are turned. There could be a factory visit to the lingerie fair in Paris, where Beth can’t be prised away from those delicious male models posing in their grundies. And after she’s seen to Underworld (or the staff have seen her off), we’d like to see Mary discuss Point of Sale with Rita and Norris at The Kabin…