Fat Brenda's Cream Horn with added horn

There’s a celebration at the bistro, a child goes missing, a devastating accident occurs and a life or flamin' death injury forces our Leanne to question everything she’s done and said in't past as she waits in Weatherfield General to see if her loved one will pull through… No loveys, I’m not talking about Christmas on the cobbles, I’m talking about this week on the cobbles! They say lightning never strikes twice - it does round here!

I saw Carla get in Frank’s car when I was out having a Dunhill and I can safely say she was leathered, who wouldn’t be after drinking the bistro’s entire stock of Blue Nun?! The next think I heard was Stella screaming, “Eeee by gum!” as she bounced off the bonnet! They need to get a zebra crossing there, it’s an accident black spot what with that Graeme being hit by David and now this – I’ll get onto the council!

I’ve had to vacate the butcher’s shop where I’ve been squatting for the past few months after The Fantastic Four imprisoned Bernice’s son, Leon, in't fridge! It was no more than he deserved, he’s always been a handful. He used to be a sweet dealer in school selling Fizz Wiz Popping Candy to the kids until they became hooked, then he’d move ‘em onto stronger stuff; Refreshers, Rainbow Drops, stuff like that!

Apart from The Fantastic Four (Tyrone is definitely The Thing), there's another superhero in our midst… a man, a legend – Norris flamin’ Cole! You see loveys, Clark Kent worked for a newspaper, Peter Parker took pictures for a newspaper but never has a superhero SOLD newspapers until our Super Norris came along! I can see him now with his Y front underpants over his tan slacks - fighting crime! Thank Cliff we’ve got someone like that coordinating the neighbourhood watch scheme, we can all sleep soundly in our beds now!

Dennis Tanner ended up delivering the papers for The Kabin and just to relive old times he lay down on a park bench for a kip and covered himself up with copies of The Times! You can take the fella out of the streets but you can't take the streets out of the fella!

That's about it for now loveys, I'm off to Weatherfield General to see if Stella has sustained REALLY serious injuries. If she has I'm thinking of making a play for Karl... too soon?

Nah - is it 'eck!

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I'd like to thank Lloyd and Steve who made this bloggy post possible by leaving their comics in't cab office - you've got to read summat when you've finished yer Jackie Collins!