Fat Brenda's Xin Horn

Sorry loveys... I was just thinking about Xin... Anyway, where was I? Sorry loveys, it's just, every time I try to get on with me life and concentrate I. Just. Can't. Help. Thinking. About. Xin. She's me best mate you see loveys, I know I've never mentioned her before last week and I know she's never been there for me when I've needed her and I also know I've never even mentioned working at the pound shop with her and that me description of her being a "right laugh" bears no relation to the Xin you've met but she's definitely me best mate!

So on top of all the worry about me best mate (Xin's me best mate you see loveys, have I mentioned that?) I've had Rita in here complaining cos Mellow Birds have changed the picture on their coffee jar and nobody consulted her! She flounced out of the cab office like she used to when she were thirteen and made Emily ring up the manufacturers of Mellow Birds to tell them how they've upset Rita, "she lost everything in that tram crash", Emily told the receptionist at Mellow Birds. I don't know how they reacted but I'm guessing they were quite rightly upset at being so selfish changing summat they owned without taking Rita's feelings into account!

I had Sophie in here last night and she was devastated about Sian. She told me that she had the audacity to mend her broken relationship with her mum and then stay the night at her mum's instead of staying at the war zone also known as the Webster's! Oooh she's a witch that Sian! I don't know what Sophie's gonna do but she looks like a lass that needs some attention and with a voice as loud as hers I reckon there's a BIG cry for help on the horizon!

The biggest news of the week (apart from me best mate Xin not being able to get a job as a psychiatric nurse and being a right laugh normally - did I mention she's a trained psychiatric nurse and a right laugh?) was the dead body at Audrey's Salon! David must do a good flamin' head massage cos five minutes under David's digits finished her off! She chomped her last bourbon and breathed in that perm solution like it was the incense at the reading of her last rites! Thank god Kylie wasn't there, she'd have removed the poor woman's fillings before the ambulance had arrived!

Audrey was so shocked she's gonna retire and give David the salon! I dont know what's got into folk round here at the moment, it's like they're not themselves - Audrey and the salon, Norris feeling bad about Rita (not like him loveys), Xin being mates with Kylie and Graeme who seems like a different person every flamin' week. Maybe everyone's got post traumatic stress after the tram crash but whatever it is, I hope things return to normal!

You see loveys, life is like a ciggie, it begins in a blaze of glory before fizzling out and ending up a pile of ashes. That's what the cobbles reminds me of at the moment, we've all enjoyed those sweet inhalations and now we're staggering towards the final gasps, I can only hope someone takes another ciggie out of the packet and lights it up before it's too late!

Right, I'm off to sell Xin's Grandma's brooch at the local pawn shop, it fell off her coat in the cab office and I'm sure she won't miss it! She said it was worth two flamin' grand! Two flamin' quid more like, they sell these in Debenhams!

Tweeter me loveys..................................................here!