Fat Brenda's Tram Horn

Welcome to me report from the front-line loveys.
I've found a lapse-tops in the wreckage of The Joinery - I think it belongs to Nick cos it's got a picture of Leanne from the nineties on it - and I'm gonna use it to give you a cobble eyed view on what's happening.
For all those who have been worried, STOP!

The ice-cream Kevin bought from Dev's before the explosion and tram crash has been rescued and is in me belly as we speak. There have been casualties in Dev's though loveys and we all like a laugh, but when good food loses it's life like that I think we should all take a moment to reflect.
I was very touched by all me tweeters from folk worrying about me and for those that didn't hear what happened I'll tell you me story.

I lost me bus pass yesterday and being an employee of Ebeneezer McDonald I had no money for me fare so I snuck on't tram. It must have been fate loveys cos at the stop before Weatherfield I was caught by the ticket inspectors and taken to the nick where I was cautioned and later released. If I hadn't been caught loveys I could have ended up with a faceful of Rita in the tram of death! The moral of the story? Crime pays.

Talking of Rita, I volunteered to help with the rescue attempts but I got asked to leave after I was caught gathering all the stray boiled sweets in the wreckage. I'm a sucker for a pink bon-bon and a pear-drop loveys. You'd think I'd struck Rita with a hammer the way they were going on at me! In the name of Cliff, It was only a few flamin' sweets! But there is hope in the ruins of The Kabin... I saw exactly where the ciggies were so I've called me friend Bernice and she's on her way to get 'em - she loves a man in uniform does Bernice - two birds as they say.

As I arrived on the scene I was desperately looking for Eddie and I feared the worst, fortunately he was just camouflaged by his flame-red hair and dapper red jumper against the cobbled inferno. I threw me arms around him and wept when I saw he'd survived until Anna elbowed me out of the way - cow! - I don't know what I'd do if I lost Eddie...

Law and order has already broken down in the aftermath as John Stape has already started fly-tipping and I'm sure the looting is just around the corner - when Bernice arrives!

The biggest tragedy of all though is Eileen escaping the whole thing unharmed, there's no justice loveys.

I hope all this was nothing to do with Owen cos he did a bit on me plumbing last week and I found his work very satisfactory although he did stress he wasn't Corgi registered. If it's his dodgy pipes that are to blame he'll find himself unblocking pipes at Her Majesty's pleasure.

I am reporting throughout the day on me tweeter.

This is Brenda on the cobbles for the Coronation Street Blog.