Written by Martin Allen, directed by Alan Wareing
Ready for more unbelievable-ness? Well, John Stape thinks that everything is going to be fine now that he’s stolen Colin’s identity and Colin is “okay” with it. Erm, Colin said he wasn’t going to chuck John in the nick for it, but I don’t recall Colin approving of John carrying on with the facade. John thinks that Charlotte is harmless. Oh, puh-lease, was his birthday yesterday? Fiz leaves for work, and Ches tells Stape that he doesn’t give a hoot about what happens to him, but he just wants him to stay out of jail for Fiz. Meanwhile, the same angry man that confronted Ches the other day came by to knock on the door but no one answered. When Claire was walking by he asked about a “Colin Fishwick” but Claire says she’d never heard of him. So, instead of leaving, the man just sits and waits with his fags and stakes out the Stape’s front door. When Fiz arrives home, the man spots her and angrily bangs on her front door again. Fiz opens it and when she does, the man barges in. He demands to see Colin Fishwick and tells Fiz that Colin’s been with his wife and that she’s been mucked around too if she’s his missus. Fiz almost believes him that John might be cheating on her again. Can you blame her? John arrives home, and mistaken for Colin Fishwick, gets a right punch to the face from the angry psycho. Oh, John. John tries to set the psycho straight, by producing his ID. John is interested to know who told this man that Colin Fishwick lived there.
After the psycho had gone, Fiz confronts John about whether or not she’s cheating on him or lying to him again. Fiz wonders if John knows the difference between truth and fiction anymore. Fiz gives him an ultimatum (finally): it’s teaching, or her – decide. Stape, of course, chooses Fiz. Why didn’t she give him this ultimatum sooner? After their make-up, John goes to get a bottle for them and bumps into Charlotte. Charlotte makes it clear to John that she wants something from him for her part in this charade. That’s right folks, she’s calling in for her two veg and meat. This was only a matter of time, and I think deep down John knew it. John tries to push her away, but she makes it clear that she’s a woman who always get what she wants. Can this get worse? Dare I ask.
Audrey feels shabby when she wears her dressing gown in the morning and Lewis is dressed in his suit from the night before. She offers that he could have a dressing gown there and a few other bits and pieces so he can “slob about” as he likes. Yeah, Lewis is really the kind of man who “slobs about” that’s what got Audrey so hooked on him to being with, isn’t it? Looks as though Audrey is preparing her nest for the rare Lewis bird. Audrey talks to Lewis later in the Rovers and asks him why they should bother doing things by halves and figure he should just move in with her and be done with it. Lewis agrees, but doesn’t look thrilled about it.
Natasha can’t believe that Audrey’s actually seventy and she wants to throw a party for her. She wants to throw something simple at the pub and figures that Audrey might say she doesn’t want a fuss but if she doesn’t get one, they won’t hear the end of it. Gail says there’s no denying that. When Audrey leaves for lunch, Natasha takes her address book and copies some key names down to invite to the party. It looks as though Audrey still hasn’t erased Fred from her book, awe. At the Rovers later, Liz helps Natasha in picking out which “spread” to have for Audrey’s party that Friday. Lewis has now be let in on the secret and seems rather stunned that he didn’t know sooner.
Ryan wants to know if Michelle is working all week, to see if he can get the place to himself in order to invite Sian by. Sian’s back, and Ryan asks her how she’s feeling, much to Sophie’s chagrin. He asks Sian if he can take her out to lunch, and she obliges since he did save her life and all. In the shop, Ryan tells Ciaran about how he’s got a date with Sian that afternoon and is looking for something to cook for her. Ciaran thinks he should be completely romantic, but Ryan just wants to keep it simple. Ciaran has trouble hearing “no”, so he infringes on Ryan’s lunch plans and tries to set up a romantic situation for the two teen un-love birds. Sian arrives, and can tell that it’s a more romantic setting that she’d expected. Queue awkwardness.
Meanwhile, Sophie is outside putting out flowers in front of Dev’s when she overhears Ciaran telling Michelle that Ryan has been upstairs preparing for his hot date with Sian. Well, she loses it and runs over to Ryan’s. Sophie busts in and asks what’s going on, then leaves. Sian, on queue, gets up to follow her out, leaving Ryan confused and abandoned. Sian finds Sophie hiding in the builder’s yard and accuses Sian of cheating on her with Ryan. Sophie’s got a ridiculous amount of attitude. After Sian begs for Sophie’s spoiled favour back, they share a snog. Only, they weren’t alone, since Ryan saw them – and he was in shock. Sian follows Ryan back to his place and tries to explain what’s been going on. Ryan is so heart-broken and confused he doesn’t know what to think. Sian tries to get Ryan to promise he won’t tell anyone but he’s not making any promises. Later, Sophie thinks they should just tell people themselves before Ryan does, but Sian’s not ready. Is Sian really a lesbian, or does she just care for Sophie? I’m not entirely convinced about her. I think Sophie might be in for heartache.
Sunita’s up in arms with her children on summer holiday now. She still insists that she will be working in the shop, and that she’ll just bring the kids with her. What is she THINKING? Dev doesn’t think it’s a good idea, for obvious reasons, and for once I agree with him. As predicted, the kids are making a mess and a racket in the shop, scaring away all customers. The kids are making an ultimate mess when Claire comes in and she offers to watch them for Sunita. Sunita agrees, as long as she doesn’t tell Dev. Later, Sunita accidentally ordered two dozen CASES of mango chutney, as opposed to the two dozen JARS she should have. As Eileen notes, she’s in a pickle. Later at home, Dev tells Sunita that they need to sort something out for the children and that today cannot happen again. Sunita makes a deal with Dev: HE can look after the children at home, while she does HIS job in the shop. Who knows how this will end? I do, with Dev in a pickle.
Poor, socially sad Eileen is reminiscing about a shirt she bought in when she partied in 1999. She finds from Sean what he’s done to get in contact with Dylan and Violet and thinks he’s really blown it now. Sean was hoping Eileen would have ideas, but looks like she’s fresh out. Just when Eileen thought she was going to get her night off, Lloyd swindles her into working the shift so that he could babysit Russ for Cheryl. Well, at least she negotiated double-pay.
- David rationalizing that a woman either looks good, or she doesn’t, who cares about her age? I couldn’t agree with him MORE.
- Ryan to Ciaran, “Yeah, you’re a chef aren’t ya?” Ciaran: “Seduction on a shoestring.”
- Fiz tripping up at work, when Sean suggests that John should get a new identity. You know, to help him sell furniture he needs to reinvent himself. Oh, I think he should get a new identity too, then hope on a train with it to Timbuktu.
- Ciaran making fun of Ryan’s choice of music, saying that it sounds like someone is dying. Then he asks if Ryan hasn’t got a decent boy-band or anything. Such as, Boyzone, perhaps? Haha, nice touch.
- When Audrey leaves the salon, Natasha tells David, “Quickly, we haven’t got much time.” Then David answers wryly, “Why, is it my lucky day?”
- Yay for Fiz finally snapping on John and having it out with him. Now, let’s just hope this lasts!
- Fiz’s backwards cardi repurposed as a sweater. It looks kind of cool from the back, but the front has a bit of a potato sack feel. She needs to dress better!
- Ryan’s helmet hair! I’d almost though we’d seen the last of it. You have no idea how badly I want to reach into the screen and chop those sideburns off and push back the “Cesar” fringe.
- What is Sunita thinking bringing children to work? There’s a reason it’s not allowed anywhere else.
- Is it just me, or is Sophie a really annoying/possessive girlfriend? I don’t think I’d date her.
- I’d never realized how UGLY the carpet was at Fiz’s place. First those Easter Bunny walls, then some nasty burgundy carpeting. That place is a design nightmare!
- Why does Eileen have to go home to make her 27 year old son his custard? Jason’s a REAL catch.