Written by David Lane, directed by Alan Wareing
Chesney isn’t happy with the Stapewick situation and doesn’t even like that his sister is buying Stape his corn flakes when he needs them. Ches asks her to turn around so he can see if she’s got doormat written on his back. Speaking of Stape, Charlotte’s still on the haunt and is coming around, which doesn’t add to his day. Fiz is insisting that John hand in his notice – she doesn’t care if it’s in the middle of term. Stape is still insisting that it’ll ruin his reputation – to which Fiz reminds him he hasn’t gotten one. John’s grasping at straws here and coming up empty handed. Fiz sets him straight: get that letter written and posted, today.
Charlotte comes by and thinks that John should lighten up since if she offered any other man an affair he’d think it was his birthday and Christmas all in one. But, Charlotte likes a challenge, doesn’t she? John tells Charlotte how Fiz wants him to resign and quit while he’s ahead. She agrees that quitting at this point in term would only raise alarm bells and that he has to go through with his charade. Charlotte’s got John between a rock and a hard place, almost literally. Charlotte feels that John enjoys the danger more than he cares to admit, and I think she’s right. She requests that John show her around the house and undress her. When he turns her down, she plants a wet on on his lips and tells him that he better be at hers next week – with no distractions. The problem with doing a deal with the devil, is that she always collects.
John goes to mail his letter of resignation in the post – as instructed by Fiz. Only, he stops to chat with Sian who tells him that she remembers him as a teacher, and is doing well in school now. She then asks if he misses school, to which John replies she has no idea. All the sudden, John remembers the reason in which he put his life into dire straights – teaching children – and decided NOT to hand in that letter of resignation and instead rips it to pieces. *sigh* Later, John lies to Fiz about posting the letter and tells her that he doesn’t deserve her. He’s got that much right!
Sophie and Sian are in fear of Ryan who holds their secret and Sophie figures that he hates them, so will probably tell at any time now. Sophie feels that they should just tell everyone about their relationship and sexual preference since it’s going to come out anyway. Sophie is sure that she is a lesbian and feels she needs to tell her family, and says she’ll even keep Sian out of it. Sian doesn’t want any alarm bells ringing however. Is someone, in the closet? Or not even close? Michelle walks in on their conversation and tells Sian about how great her son is, none-the-wiser. Sian insists that as long as Ryan doesn’t say anything, there’s no need for them to. Only, I think Sophie doesn’t really care about what Ryan does, she knows who she is, and that’s all she needs to know.
Later, Ryan finds Sian alone and says that her and Sophie are more “lezzie mates” than “bezzie mates.” He wonders what her father will think when he hears about it. He’s personally embarrassed by the situation since everyone’ll think that he’s the one who’s turned her onto girls. Sian tries to tell him how “it’s different.” Sian tells Ryan how Sophie thinks that he’s going to tell everyone and have a right laugh about it. Ryan assures her that he won’t be telling anyone. Delighted, Sian tells Sophie the good news. Only, Sophie doesn’t really see it as good news since he wants people to know.
Over at Grassmere Cres, Audrey is starting to feel that she sprung the idea of moving in on Lewis too quickly. Lewis says it’s not something they should rush into, but he’s glad she asked. Lewis tells her that when he gets rid of his flat, he’ll be paying her some rent. Audrey wipes that idea quickly out of his mind, much to his satisfaction I’m sure. What are you getting yourself into Lewis? And Audrey, for that matter. Later, Lewis confides in Deirdre how Audrey has asked him to move in with her “practically out of the blue.” Deirdre asks him if that’s what he wants, but he says that “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Deirdre thinks that he might be thinking that there may be a better offer around the corner, since that’s how her Ken seems to think. Lewis says he needs to question how many more chances at love he has, and perhaps it’s time for him to hang up his dancing shoes. So, in other words, he’s settling for Audrey and her life of domesticity.
Audrey goes into the Kabin to see Rita and tells her that she’s asked Lewis to move in with her properly. She says that Lewis has got this dream to open a boutique hotel on a Greek Island, and Grassmere Drive, Weatherfield doesn’t really compete. Rita reminds her that everyone has dreams and starting a busy hotel business at the age of 70 is hard work and quite unlikely. Rita asks if Lewis has even ever run a hotel, to which Audrey admits he’s only stayed in them. The only thing Lewis has run is amok! Rita says that Lewis’ dream can have a place by hers – of singing a duet with Tony Bennett – in the drawer of “it’s never going to happen.” Ouch, we know Audrey won’t swallow that well. She reminds Rita that it wasn’t so long ago that she said that her and Lewis making a go of it was all but a dream too. Poor, foolish Audrey.
Natasha is busy secretly planning Audrey’s 70th, when Maria calls the salon. Apparently she’s heard of Audrey’s party and is coming into town. She’s a bit miffed that she wasn’t invited, but Natasha blames that on David – since they split the list. Natasha (after getting what looks like an earful) tells Maria she’ll be down as “guest of honour.” Audrey comes in, and Natasha proposes a redesign of the salon, but Audrey poo-poos that quickly. Natasha not so subtly asks if Audrey has considered retirement, but Audrey says that’s a dream, and that as Rita has pointed out, they don’t always come true.
Audrey returns home later to find that Lewis has setup a romantic wine n’ jazz on the patio and is delighted. Audrey tells Lewis she hopes she didn’t ruin their relationship by asking him to move in so quickly. Lewis says he can’t think of anything he’d like more than to move in with her. Well, other than a boutique hotel in Greece, right?
Eileen is still going through somewhat of an existentialist crisis. She feel as though she’s completely invisible and taken for granted and decides to take it out on Anna at the cafe when she’s been overlooked in line for Deirdre. Deirdre can tell that she’s having a day, so she offers to share down to the bottom layer of boxed chocolates she’s got at home. Eileen wonders what they’re still doing there. At Deirdre’s, Eileen complains that 50 is coming upon her like a steam train and she doesn’t feel she’s made anything of her life. Heck, at least she’s got two sons, that’s more than most. I’ve had enough of her pity parties, hopefully she’ll get a good storyline and quit harping.
Lloyd is walking around in his towel at home, singing and dancing to “Duke of Earl” when Cheryl walks in unexpectedly. While Lloyd grapples for a t-shirt to throw on, Cheryl tells him that she quit her job at the club. The place was a dump and the bouncers let the patrons get too grabby with her. Cheryl wants a regular job, and asks Michelle if there’s any shifts available at the Rovers. Michelle says she doesn’t really think so, and working there isn’t as glamorous as it looks. Neither is she! Cheryl insists she wants a day job so that she can see her son growing up and she’s never there. Cheryl mentions that she did hairstyling years back, so Lloyd says he’ll put in a good word for her at Audrey’s. Oh, there’s enough hens in that roost, I think, especially when Maria returns.
- Rita’s rather cold treatment of Lewis. I thought it befitting, she knows he’s no good.
- John, referring to how Charlotte is forcing herself on him, “I’ve been to prison. I don’t want to go back.” Double-entendre?
- Charlotte to John, referring to a clandestine rendez-vous, “I’d even call you Colin, if you’d like.” Haha, I’m sure she’s been there before too.
- Lloyd’s half-naked “Duke of Earl” dance!
- What was with John Stape’s sleazy ring tone?
- How Ryan thinks that it’s him that turned Sophie onto girls. That’s not how it works, but in his case…. Just kidding.
- Deirdre’s wrinkled cleavage! For goodness sakes woman, get something a little more highnecked. Perhaps she can root through Gail’s closet.
- That sour “face like a smacked backside” face on Ryan Connor! Ech.