Written by Damon Rochefort (7:30) and Jonathan Harvey (8:30), directed by Tim Dowd
It’s the morning after Audrey’s 70t birthday blow out/up, and she’s looking back on her “memories” book presented to her by family. Lewis asks her if she’s feeling reflective, but Audrey says it’s more like mortified. Lewis is confused as to why his old job as an escort defines him, since he’s had many jobs: concierge, maitre d’, nude model. Audrey asks if there are any more career surprises, porn star, perhaps? Lewis is more of a “private dancer” if you know what I mean. Audrey is angry that folk around there think of her as a good time girl who married for money. Funny, I wonder what would make them think that?
At Gail’s, everyone thinks it’s hilarious that Audrey is living with an escort, well, everyone except for Gail that is! Nick and David have playfully nicknamed Lewis “Midnight Cowboy,” a film that Natasha has never seen. David says he’s worried about his inheritance after the bill Audrey must have wracked up when Gail asks if anyone else is worried. Nick figures that Lewis is a nice guy that makes Gran happy, so who cares? Well, Audrey herself, really. Audrey feels as though the whole world is looking down on them, which is a completely self-centered Audrey thing to think. Audrey dreams over a story about some client she had that ran away to Jamaica with a younger man and lives on the beach looking ten years older. Lewis asks if she’s really thinking about grabbing a piece of paradise. Lewis reminds her that running away never really helps, and it’s expensive. Audrey figures it’ll be affordable as soon as she sells up her house and business. Audrey tells him she’d leave her house and family just for him, and he’s genuinely surprised.
As the old going says, misery loves hired company, I think. Ken sees Lewis at the bar and talks to him gigolo a gigolo. Lewis tells Ken that he never thought he’d be the kind of man to settle down, so Ken spills about “Martha and the Barge.” He shouldn’t say too much, he could be giving Lewis some new leads here. Lewis wants to know if Ken thinks he made the right choice, and Ken thinks he probably did since familiarity has a beauty all in it’s own. Ken says he’s sure that he’ll be as happy with Audrey as he is with Deirdre. Was that a backhanded compliment? Lewis doesn’t look too happy at the thought of that.
David tells Audrey that if she thinks there’s nothing shameful about being an escort, then she wouldn’t mind if he started doing it. Ha, yeah, David’s clients won’t be exactly what he’d wish for. I’m sure not even the gender he would wish for. David tries to compare himself to Lewis but Audrey just tells him to go get on. She kicks both David and Natasha out of the salon. Later, Nick comes in to ask his Gran something but gets interrupted by Natasha, so agrees to let her trim his hair. Later, Gail finds Audrey and tells her she owes her an apology. Audrey tells Gail that who she goes out with is her business. She tells Gail she needs a drink and asks if she’s coming. At the Rovers, Audrey is afraid that Lewis will probably leave now. Audrey manages to insult Gail to the fullest in her own self-indulgent wallowing.
Audrey finally finds Lewis after not being able to get a hold of him all day, and finally relaxes. Yes, he’s still in Weatherfield. Lewis produces a brochure for a Greek island to Audrey and suggests they go for a weekend, and if she likes it they can consider moving there permanently. Audrey is, of course, delighted at this prospect. The loved up couple can’t get a moments rest. David comes in the pub and tells Lewis that he’s thinking of taking up escorting and asks how much he charges. It is a perfectly reasonable question. He then asks if anyone has ever died on him, you know, ON him. Lewis tells David that he’s not sure he’s “man” enough for his line of business. Ouch! Nice come back! Lewis needs money to pay for this trip, so of course, he’s in the bookies with Deirdre. I wonder if any of the horses are named “Midnight Cowboy?” I’d put my money on that one if I were him! Lewis is a bit more direct this time. He tells Deirdre a porkie that Eccles, the dog, has been wandering. When Deirdre pops out, Lewis pops behind the counter and writes a fake betting slip. Suddenly, Leanne comes in and finds Lewis behind the counter and asks what’s going on. Lewis tells her that Deirdre had to pop out and Leanne is upset since she should have called her or closed shop and asks Lewis to get out from behind the counter. Just like an old prossie to know that another old prossie’s no good. Lewis places his “phony” bet and gets out of there.
Deirdre is back and tries to apologize to Leanne and says that it was an emergency, but Leanne thinks that Ken could have gone out on a mad dash for Eccles. Deirdre says that that dog was her mother’s and if anything had happened to her. Leanne says that if Peter found out the place had been unmanned it’d be both their backsides. Lewis comes in later after falsifying a betting slip in the cafe earlier. Deirdre goes up the stairs to put them on a cuppa, and Lewis slides behind the counter again and does a switcheroo. He tells Deirdre he put a bet on earlier, but doesn’t remember what he put on it, since Leanne was so angry. Wow, you’re never going to believe it, but he’s only won three hundred quid on “Wendy’s Bar.”
Later, Audrey and Lewis tell Gail that they’re happy together, and that Lewis has paid for the trip – all by himself. Just to rub salt in the wound, Audrey tells Gail that her and Lewis are thinking of buying a little property there. Oh Audrey, act your age, not your shoe size!"
Well, Audrey’s ears should be burning right about now since Liz and Eileen are gossiping about her in the Rovers. Eileen figures she should have hired a man a long time ago. Well, she just got a raise, perhaps she should! Liz figures the whole story is like of them big American glossy TV shows. Only, much, much better! Eileen entitles it “Desperate Fishwives!'” Their laughter is short lived as Lewis sidles up to the bar. Liz has been noticing a few men giving her some attention today and thinks it’s due to her wearing some of Becky’s perfume since she ran out of hers. So, THAT’s how she bagged Steve!
After work, Sean tells Fiz that he has a hangover not from going out on the town, but from drinking Eileen’s Christmas sherry while looking at pictures of Dylan all depressed. Fiz warns him against Liz finding out about him using her image on FaceScene. At work at the Rovers, Liz has even more gents coming in and hitting on her, so much that I’m sure her headspace as grown at least an inch. Liz reckons that it must be Becky’s perfume and squirts more on. Sean takes the bottle had has a shower in the stuff! Liz is just basking in the complimentary gents coming in, figuring she’s got a face that says “approachable.” The sleazy biker guy that’s been hooting at Liz all night slaps her on the behind, so she grabs him and tells him that he’s kicked out. He tells her she’s a lot frostier in the flesh and looks nowt like her picture. Liz is confused by Sean and is horrified. He realizes that the man knew Liz through her fake profile on FaceScene.
Carla and Nick go into Underworld, aka Underconstruction, and see what’s being done. Well, it’s basically a big sink hole! Nick tries to assure her that everything’s fine, but she’s not happy to see all the workers sitting around drinking tea and chatting. Carla is still driving Nick’s eyes towards the ceiling with her demanding presence. But, what else is new?
It’s Chesney’s 16th birthday and Fiz asks him if he’s thought of having a party. Ches says he’s too busy at the market for that. When Ches finds out that John picked out his present, he chucks it. John tells Ches that regardless of what he thinks of him, don’t take it out on Fiz she’s she’s broken her back to make his day special. Ches leaves for the market, and Fiz points out to John that their mum hasn’t given Ches anything. Oh, poor Ches. Fiz asks John if he’s asked Roy if he can work back at the cafe – assuming that he’s quit his teaching job. Fiz figures that they should pretend he’s been made redundant in the furniture store, to which John thinks sounds just great for his image.
John goes to see Roy at the cafe and sits and waits for him. While he does, he looks very depressed at the thought of working there again – all to the tune of Barry Manilow’s “Copa Cabana.” So much, that he gets up and leaves. It appears he won’t be working at the cafe after all.
Kirk asks Ches what he’s doing for his birthday, but Ches says he’s really not high on making any plans. Kirk, of course, thinks they should really push the boat out for his party. Fiz wants to plan a party at their house, but Ches says no way. He thinks their house is well minging. Haha, I agree Chesney. Ches would prefer to have his party at a club in town, but John thinks they should hire somewhere. Fiz thinks that Roy might let him have his part at the cafe. Fiz asks Roy, and Roy says it’d be an honour to host his 16th birthday there. Ches is trying all he can to get some booze for his party, but it is not happening! Fiz asks Roy about how John asked for a job earlier, but Roy clearly has no idea what she’s talking about so she pretends she’s got her lines crossed. Fiz is secretly stunned that John hasn’t asked for a job like he said he was going to.
John gets a call from Colin Fishwick, and he’s outside his place wanting a word. Fishwick tells Stape that he’s applied for a job in a bookshop and he’s had to give them details. Fishwick tells John he feels uncomfortable about the whole “stealing my identity thing.” John says that if it’s any consolation, he’s resigned from the school (liar!). Colin says he’s spoken to Charlotte and he knows that he’s lying to him. Now, he’s getting quite angry and tells John to “end it.” Fiz comes home in a huff later, and John gets off the phone with Charlotte whom of which he was yelling at. She demands to know why John lied to her about asking for a job there. John says he would hate to leave the “good life” to butter bread. Fiz reminds him that most people hate teaching. Charlotte and John meet quickly in the Rovers and she says she knows Colin’s changed his mind. John says he can’t give up teaching and if Fiz finds out it’d destroy their marriage.
Ches complains to Kirk that he wants booze at the party. He says it’s bad enough having your birthday at a greasy spoon, then being embarrassed about not even being able to have a drink. Is he not two years off for that? Kirk thinks he can make a punch, and that way, they will smuggle the alcohol in without anyone knowing. Oh, yeah, because punch NEVER has liquor in it! If that were the case, no one would go to holiday parties!
Eileen’s had a good look around Molly and Ty’s place and says she’s interested pending a home inspection. Molly’s just about ready to bust with “mystery baby.” Molly is so excited about the fact that Eileen will buy, and suggests that Ty give Kev plenty of notice about leaving the garage. Tyrone doesn’t seem like he’s looking forward to that. Eileen gets a suggestion from Liz to let Owen, who is a builder, check out the Dobb’s place before she decides to get a surveyor or not.
Well, Sally’s definitely back! Here she is at the new place of work complaining – as she does best. I really was missing here, Janice doesn’t cut it alone in the peanut gallery of Underworld! Sally pops into Dev’s where Molly’s working and tells her how running is her new hobby and how her and Kev are doing it together. Sally asks if she’s had any interest on her house and she tells Sal that Eileen seems keen. Sally gets on her high-horse (was she ever off?) and talks about those tiny terraced houses and how she could never go back to not having a garden. She tells Molly that Kev’s hard to keep motivated for running, and asks Molly how she kept him motivated. By renting hotel rooms, that’s how! Molly says that a pint usually did the trick. Ty comes into the shop after Sally and he hasn’t given Kevin his notice yet. Molly is angry since her due date is soon and she wants to be in the new place and settled before the baby comes. Tyrone agrees to go to the Rovers with Kev after work.
Sally and Kev talk in the Rovers about Tyrone leaving town. Sally wonders if Kevin is sure that he can buy Tyrone’s stake in the business. Kev says he’s not sure how much he’s going to offer him. Sally thinks that Kevin should take advantage of the Dobbs’ desperate situation and pull a fast one. Yeah, he just might if he weren’t wracked with guilt over “mystery baby.” Kev goes by the Dobbs’ later and gives Tyrone his offer for his part of the garage. Ty shows the amount to Molly and she says it’s very generous and thanks Kevin. Looks as though Kev didn’t listen to any of Sally’s advice – as per usual! Kev says he gave him a good deal, since he’s a mate. That poor mug, Tyrone!
Dev and Sunita are still going on about their domestic issues. This time, to Claire and Ashley probably the only two other people that care. Dev complains that Sunita should be watching their children during school holidays and they don’t need a child minder. Claire tells Sunita that she was toying with the idea of going back into child-minding. Sunita points out to Dev that Claire isn’t a “stranger” and he said no to a stranger looking after their children. Ashley is shocked at Claire’s career plans that he had no clue of. Sunita and Claire have already decided. Claire will watch all FOUR children all day while Sunita sits behind a counter and mews at Dev all day! It’s perfect!
- Nick’s new haircut! It’s not perfect, but it’s better than that overgrown-little-boy haircut from before.
- David’s little joke about Natasha imagining his gran and “Midnight Cowboy” going at it, whist shaking the chair!
- Nick and Carla in those hard hats! Carla managed to make it look stylish but Nick just looked like a Conehead.
- Eileen referring to Gail and Audrey’s lives as “Desperate Fishwives.” When I saw Damon’s name in the writing credits I knew we’d be in for a good ‘un!
- Kirk’s “that explains so much” shirt, labelled “Bin Drinkin”
- David asking Lewis if in his previous line of work had any one died on him, as in, died ON him. Haha! I never would have guessed David to take over Blanche’s cutting-lines role, but it works for me!
- Liz: “I’ve got a face that says ‘approachable.’” Michelle: “And a skirt that says ‘hiya!’”
- Sean calling Liz “Liz Bomb.” She’s certainly got more zest than the burnt out “Fiz Bomb.”
- That terrible Cilla Battersby-Brown for not getting Ches even a card on his birthday. What kind of a mother…oh, wait.
- I know Corrie isn’t the best with this kind of thing, but could Molly’s baby belly be any more FAKE? Did they literally just stuff a pillow up there or what? It was even rippling under the chest.
- I know that Liz has some outrageous fashion choices, but what was with that black sequin outfit? Especially for that time of the morning. Was she on her way to rehearse in an ABBA tribute band?
- Did anyone think it was strange that Nick went into the salon for a trim, when he’d already gotten a new haircut?! At least he’ll leave looking the same.
- Audrey for being so self-centered! Get over yourself woman!
- Does anyone else think that Fishwick is taking Stape’s whole “stealing his identity” quite well? He must be afraid of John, or need someone to call to help him bury a body in the future type thing.
- Is anyone else wondering WHY Lewis is so broke? It seems that all he does is charge older women lots of money for his time. Where does it all go? To his betting habit?