Apologies for the combined reviews, but it’s holiday season on the weekends now that summer’s here!
Written by Jonathan Harvey (Thu) and Joe Turner (Sun), directed by Duncan Foster
Fiz tries to meet with John to discuss Chesney and his marketplace antics, but John has bigger fish to fry, er, Fishwick. That fish, Charlotte, arrives on Coronation Street, somewhat overly dressed, looking for him. Charlotte has a nasty run-in with Rosie Webster and names such as “weirdo,” and “Dozy Plebster.” Rosie sees that Charlotte is on the street to meet John and figures the two of them were made for each other. Charlotte tells John that she’s got news for him, and that they should discuss it in the Rovers. Charlotte says they need to discuss their mutual friend, and John actually asks “which one?” Why Ned, down at the bus station, that’s who! Idiot. Charlotte tells John that Colin Fishwick is coming home from sunny Canada. Meanwhile, Fiz is waiting for John in the cafe to discuss Chesney’s errant behaviour. She’s not at a loss, for Roy has lent her The Peloponnesian War to read – much to her delight - while she’s waiting for John as he’s held up at “work.” I believe that somehow John has found him in Lewis’s line of work, and not by choice. While Fiz is pretending to be interested in Ancient Greece, John is pretending to be interested in Ancient Grease in the Rovers, and neither of them are doing too well!
At the Rovers, John demands to know what Colin has told her. Turns out he hasn’t told her anything, and she’s only just gone and stalked Colin’s Facebook page and seen that his status was “missing his friends and finding Canada quite austere.” Now that sounds more like the Canada I know and love. Course she’s told him this AFTER she’s downed a couple of glasses of red. It’s clear that Charlotte’s taking advantage of her situation. Back at the cafe, Fiz tells Roy about her problems with Chesney. The Rosie “Diva’ Webster comes in and asks for a black coffee – since she’s not doing dairy today. Rosie tells Fiz all about John and Charlotte “Church” (since she gets busy on a Sunday) going into the Rovers earlier. Fiz confronts John and Charlotte in the Rovers and Charlotte tells her that it was so good to see “Johnny Boy” the other day so she thought she’d get her claws into him again. Fiz clearly isn’t happy seeing “odd” Charlotte with her Johnny Boy. She gets even more upset when she finds that Charlotte knows all about her husband’s “alter-ego.” Fiz is right mad and yells at Charlotte Church to keep quiet and yells at John for being so stupid. Fiz leaves the pub and leaves Juan right where Charlotte wants him – all to herself.
Jason’s back to being his usual unexciting self, and Tina’s looking like she’s sliding back into her old life. Tina seems a lot more interested in Graeme than she does with Jason, and why are we not surprised? I’d personally take a Graeme over a Jason any day! Tina goes over to the butchers
to flirt with talk about girly films with Graeme. Later, Rita wants to know what’s wrong with Tina, since she’s clearly upset about something. Rita figures that this kind of upset has something to do with a relationship issue. Not problem, issue. Tina sobs in Rita’s arms telling her that she’s not sure if she loves Jason. Especially since Jason reminds her of so much to do with her Dad. I don’t see it. Tina goes home and does what anyone would do in her situation – sit in the dark with a look on her face until Jason comes home. When he arrives home, she dumps him – yet again. Awe, poor Jason, he’s really been having bad luck lately.
Looks like Nick’s little under-operation is going well now that he’s got the premises. It looks like he isn’t going to be a boss like Carla, since he seems quite appreciative and even accommodating (Julie’s headphones), much to everyone’s (especially Hayley’s) surprise. Let’s see how long this lasts.
Peter tries his best to apologize to Leanne for the way he’s been acting, and his best isn’t good enough. At least not yet. Peter tells his dad about how he wants to shut down Nick’s little operation in Turner’s Joinery and Ken tells him to tread carefully. Ken also warns Peter not to mess things up with Leanne.
Lloyd’s been avoiding Cheryl, that’s CHeryl, not Sh-eryl, as she pointed out to Steve who could give a monkey’s. Cheryl looks for Lloyd in the Rovers but only gets hit on by Ciaran, then leaves. What could she want from Lloyd now? Later, Cheryl has drinks with Leanne at the bookie flat and Leanne suspects that Cheryl has a thing for our Lloyd. The girls move onto the Rovers, where Peter apologizes to Leanne again only this time she accepts.
At the Rovers, Ciaran’s still chatting up Mammy Connor on the phone, much to Michelle’s annoyance. Ciaran says that Mammy’s got a sexy voice, and Michelle says he repulses her and they both walk away with a smirk.
At home, on Sunday, Fiz tells John that he needs to quit his job now so that she never has to hear the works “Colin” and “Fishwick” again! Me and all! Charlotte comes to see Fiz at her house. Charlotte tells Fiz that if John needs help with his secret identity, she can help. I bet Fiz doesn’t hear that every day. Charlotte leaves when John arrives telling Fiz not to be so worried since everything’ll be fine. Fiz is just shaking her head and I’m hoping she’s thinking “why did I marry this idiot?” But she’s probably not. Fiz tells John that Charlotte is totally insane and their lives are in the hands of a lunatic. Fiz begs John yet again to go back to being John Stape, but we all know that John does whatever John does. He uses the fact that Fiz’s job is on the line as leverage to continue his lunacy. John figures that Charlotte will just get bored very quickly and just go away. Why doesn’t he introduce her to Lewis Archer?
On Sunday, Jason angrily packs his bags at the flat to move back in with mum. Tina wants to stay in the flat before they sell it – just for a bit before she finds herself another place. Jason isn’t up for talking to her and pushes her out of the way while he’s packing. Jason leaves the flat and spots Nick outside working on Turner’s and assumes that he’s been seeing Tina and accuses him of just that before grabbing him by the collar.
Elsewhere, Graeme’s got his ticket ready and is prepared to meet the woman of his dreams at Speed Dating night in the Rovers. Graeme practices his lady-talking skills on Ashley, and Ashley isn’t going home with him after. Tina comes by to have a proper chat with Graeme and tells him that she’s broken it off with Jason. She asks Graeme if he’s busy tonight and if he wants to come over to hers since she wants to
use him as an emotional punching bag talk. She wants to meet at 7pm, which is right when Speed Dating starts, but Graeme cringes and agrees to meet her anyway. Tina’s expecting Graeme, but in walks Eileen who gives Tina a piece of her mind, defending her valiant son as usual. She tells Tina that she wants her to stay away from Jason after breaking his heart twice. Also, she’s to move out of the flat ASAP so that Jason can sell it.
Graeme is done up in his best dress for a night of amazement. I don’t know what Graeme was expecting when he got to Tina’s but he got same old sob-on-the- couch Tina, only this time with more cleavage. She whines on about what a horrible person she is, and Graeme tells her she isn’t. Tina feels bad, or thinks she should feel bad, about using Jason. She notices that Graeme looks nice, and he even brought soup. Tina witters on as Graeme continues to check his watch and she gets angry about it figuring that she bores him. He tells her how he was supposed to go to Speed Dating that evening. Tina figures that’s why he’s dressed up. Way to go, detective McIntyre. Of course, Tina gets even more mad than before at him. Tina actually accuses Graeme of being selfish and he puts her in her place – wherever that is. Tina grabs him and snogs him before he goes out the door in a very cheesy, awkward moment.
It’s finally Speed Dating night, what we’ve all been looking forward to. The Rovers is done up like Valentine’s Day in June! Ciaran asks Michelle if she’d be his partner that night for the Speed Dating event, but she gives him a firm and flirty “no.” Michelle accuses Ciaran of using the Speed Dating night to pull ladies for himself, but he says there’s only one lady he wants to go on a date with but she keeps turning him down. Is it Mammy Connor? Speed Dating has started and Michelle is in her tartiest outfit ever. Something I’m not even sure Rosie Webster would entertain, but never say never. Ciaran flirts it up with Michelle and Liz points this out to her. Liz says if Michelle doesn’t want Ciaran…but Michelle says she never said that! The ladies clink glasses to their romantic success potential for the night.
Shockingly enough, lots of lovely ladies did show up to Speed Dating night. Probably because Ciaran sold them all their tickets. These poor girls who have the pickings of Lloyd and Kirk. Me thinks that Michelle has a bit more of a thing for Ciaran than our boy thinks and goes out back to get him alone. Much to Michelle’s dismay she finds Ciaran snogging the face off of some Kylie-Minogue-look-a-like outside. Another one bites the dust, eh Michelle? Things aren’t going much better inside as Kirk is left speechless, then gets a slap by two different dates. Meanwhile, Janice and Julie are having their own fun at Speed Dating, but taking shots and making bets on the lovers shuffle. Cheryl shows up with Leanne and immediately spots Lloyd. Cheryl manages to sit across from Lloyd when the whistle is blown for them to shuffle to the next date. Cheryl apologizes to Lloyd for leading him on and asks him if he can still get those Oklahoma tickets. Lloyd’s certainly doing well for himself tonight!
- Charlotte to John: “You’re my main, John. My meat and two veg.”
- Is it just me, or would anyone else be really happy if Charlotte and John walked off into the sunset with each other? Preferably on a Sunday?
- Nick to his staff: “Good job, girls.” Izzy: “We’re not girls.” Janice: “I’m a laydeeee.”
- Graeme to Tina, “Yeah, I’ve got Athlete’s Foot. Which is weird, because I’m not an athlete.” and “Step inside my meaty boudoir!”
- Ken coming into the Kabin looking for magazines about serial killers for Deirdre, since it might remind her of Blanche. Love the continuity!
- Tina to Rita: “Well, go on then, you’re a woman of the world.” Rita: “Well, that’s one way of putting it!”
- Eileen singing Bohemian Rhapsody while hanging Jason’s pants out to dry.
- Graeme and Ashley mock “speed dating” in the butcher shop behind the counter.
- Graeme done up in his best putting on a Saturday Night Fever strut a la John Travolta, to “Stayin’ Alive” by the BeeGees!
- I didn’t think Charlotte’s outfit was so bad! Of course, this is fashion advice coming from Fiz and Rosie Webster. Heavens knows we’ve seen worse off the two of them.
- What’s with Charlotte harassing Rosie Webster, her ex-student? Isn’t there some kind of professional candour she’s supposed to uphold as a teacher? Playground stuff!
- Why does Leanne even keep wine at home, when Peter’s an alcoholic. A dry house would really help his cause. You can’t lose weight knowing that there’s licorice in the cupboard!
- Poor Jason, getting his heart broken – AGAIN. I worry about the next heart that Tina will break.