During Rita and Audrey's cat-fight last night, Rita accused Audrey (or was it the other way round? either way, it's a great line) of going for "anything with a wallet and a pulse". Well, that got me thinking. After all, some of us can't be that fussy. It has to be a wallet OR a pulse.I can identify with Rita and Audrey being drawn to smoothie Lewis, in the vain search for a bit of excitement in their fading years. But they shouldn't be reduced to paying for it! No! There are men out there, who might not have much of a wallet, but who DO have a pulse - and a bit more besides.
The Jasons and the Ciarans of this world might not give us a passing glance, except to help us down off the bus, but there ARE "alternatives". They might not have six packs, but they've other qualities. Here are some examples that spring immediately to MY mind.
One - Bill Webster. Runs his own business, a nice solid kind of guy, and unattached (I think?). Okay, he's got a bad hair cut, but that can be remedied. I always thought Bill and Audrey were made for each other.
Two - my personal favourite - Eddie Windass. Can bake cakes and pies. What more do you want? 'cept I know, I know, he's married. Drat! I'm saying nowt about HIS hair cut.
Three - Norris. Might be a total pain in the behind, but he has hidden depths, as revealed in his heart to heart with Rita. Unattached, and currently has a pulse, and some hair, although who knows what will happen in that cosy holiday cottage with Mary. Also makes a great cuppa.
Four - Lloyd. Nice guy. Has hair. Unattached (I THINK it's over with Teresa? or, it will be soon), and at that "cross-over" age, where he COULD just possibly go for a younger bird, but could well settle for/down with someone more mature?
Another great line, by the way - Audrey to Rita, re. Emily - "You wouldn't give her the steam off your tea." Fab!
9 comments:
Oh my God, what a bunch of old codgers. Living with any of them would drive me gaga. I think that I will stay home alone with my cat.
Haha, nice post. Bill has defo got a pulse, but not much of a wallet.
I think they're drawn to Lewis because he's sophisticated also. Bill, Eddie, Norris (maybe) and Lloyd just are too "common" for divas like Audrey and Rita. Plus, all these men (except Norris) are taken! Where are they available older men? Let's face it - nowheres. All we've got for a sophisticated man is Ken, and he's as much of cad as Lewis at times!
Eddie and Anna aren't actually married are they?
I wouldn't give any of them the steam off me tea either. Well, Bill maybe if i was 10 or 15 years older. BTW that "steam off your tea" line was first used by Maud Grimes as an insult about Reg Holdsworth.
Question: does bill wear a wig? My wife says it has it's own equity card!
I could never forgive Norris for the appalling way he treated his long-lost brother, Manuel.
And the "I wouldn't give him the steam of my tea" line originally didn't involve tea, but a yellow bodily fluid.
Ha ha Billy, I was thinking exactly the same thing :-)
Isn't Bill seeing Pam?
I wouldn't give any of them the steam off me tea either
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