I’ve wrapped, packed and warmed up me liberty bodice before heading up north this weekend for Christmas. While I’m away the lovely Karen Jankel will be writing the weekly updates for the next two weeks so spare a thought for Karen, locked here in the weekly update office as you’re all tucking into your turkey and sprouts. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.
Deirdre doesn’t know which way to turn when she’s caught in the battle of the Barlows as Ken goes head to head with Peter over him opening the bar. Ken meets with a hack from the Gazette who splashes Bar Wars all over the front page, dragging in the Barlow top 10 misdemeanours for good measure too. Adultery, jail, murder and John Lindsay - the Barlow history’s laid bare all over tomorrow’s hamster cage lining. Ken even calls a public meeting in the Rovers to garner support against Peter’s new bar but he shoots himself in the foot when Peter turns up and finds out what’s going on and then refuses to let Ken see little Simon over Christmas. It serves Ken right, if you ask me.
Deranged Dev goes into manic overdrive when he finds out that Matt from the golf course is engaged to Sunita. Not only that, they’re planning to wed. Dev couldn’t care less about the twins or his ex-wife but just because he doesn’t want anything to do with them doesn’t mean he’s going to let Matt take over his wife and kids without a fight. When his plan to turn on the smarm backfires with Sunita (is it just me or does she look like she’s got fatter lips than she had last time around?) he drowns his sorrows in the Rovers but the only one feeling sorry for him is himself.
Over at Underworld, the world-famous Christmas party is a no-go this year. Carla tells her stitchers there’s a credit crunch on and they need to tighten their belts. Well, well, how the mighty have fallen. If you cast your mind back to the very first time we ever saw Carla, she roared into the Underworld Christmas party with a bottle of champagne in each hand and another crate load in the back of her flash sports car. This festive season she’s taken to being questioned at the police station about Jimmy Dockerson, Tony and Liam. So busy has she been on police business this yule that she’s forgotton to have her roots touched up.
At the Websters’, Rosie takes her cleavage for an outing to the Rovers to wobble in front of Peter Barlow in the hope that he’ll give her a job in the bar. He tells her he’ll consider her assets. Sophie’s planning her full-body baptism while Kevin continues his creepy Molly lust.
In the Rovers, the panto auditions are in full swing and after a bit of drama, the cast is, er, cast. Graeme is Buttons, the ugly sisters are Sean and Jesse, Becky’s Dandini and Betty’s the fairy godmother. She would have scowled if she hadn’t been. I can’t wait to see this, it’s going to be great.
Norris and Freda celebrate after winning £1,000 in a competition. Unfortunately for Graeme, as Norris found out this piece of good news, he was holding a ladder on top of which was Graeme, cleaning windows. The ladder slips from Norris’ grasp, Graeme falls and does himself a mischief and Norris has to take on Graeme’s window-cleaning round. He’s only doing it so he can peer into people’s bedroom windows, which sounds like the only reason I’d ever do that job too. Bu then I’m really nosy, me.
And finally, this week was the last time we’ll ever see Blanche Hunt on screen. It was poignant, but fitting, that her last word was: “Hallelujah!” and her absence has been explained with a trip to Portugal with her mate May Pen from the one o’clock club. You know May, she’s the one with the gay son who won best of show in Crufts.
And that’s just about that for this week. I’ll be back in the New Year and it’s over to Karen Jankel’s weekly update for the next two weeks. Merry Christmas, everybody!
Coronation Street writers this week were Peter Whalley, Martin Allen, Jayne Hollinson and Damon Rochefort. Find out more about the Coronation Street writing team.
Find out more about the Coronation Street Weekly Updates
Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com/
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