Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. Yes, I know I always start off the update that way but I’m a creature of habit and it’s stood me in good stead over the years. So, if you’ve got your cuppa and your biscuit, and you’re sitting comfortably with your cushions plumped up, then we’ll begin. And so, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.
Corrie lost one of its favourites this week, but don’t worry, it’s only temporary and just for a short while. Roy Cropper flew to t’other side of the world to be with his soul mate, his best friend, his Hayley. There was only one slight panic on Roy’s To Do list before he left as he fretted over Becky moving into the flat above the caff while he was away. Becky brought her stuff into the flat in black bin bags, bringing in her baggage and hanging up her hang-ups. With Roy now gone from Roy’s Rolls for a few weeks, who’ll tend to what he’s gone and left behind – ‘s Rolls? Step forward the educated Mr Barlow who might know a thing or two about sweet talking the customers but hasn’t got a clue when it comes to customer service. When Becky gives Tina short shrift after she gave Becky some backchat while drinking blue pop with David, she tells Ken to think on and use the same technique at home whenever Blanche gets out of hand. As if he’d ever dare.
Over at the Rovers, Liz has decided it’s time for a revamp and spring clean. Is it too late to start a campaign to Bring Back the Snug? Oh, apparently so. Vernon gets right into it, doing drawings and sketches and shares his vision and ideas for a new look for the pub. He’s thinking all Country and Western but all it’s going to get, and those who’ve seen the pictures will know, is a fresh lick of paint and a touch up all round. And most days, I think that’s what a lot of us would be happy with, if we’re honest with ourselves. Let’s just hope they don’t spoil the character of our favourite fictional pub too much when the makeover happens. As my lovely bloke once said when I insisted on putting his denim jacket in the washing machine after years of him wearing it to go out gigging in: “That’s not muck, that’s memories.”
Meanwhile, over at the Duckie’s house (note correct use of apostrophe now that there’s only one Duckie left. Sigh), Jack realised that he’d put a bet on the horses on the very day Vera died. He decided to check on the bet and it came up trumps with winnings to the tune of over £3,000 but why isn’t he delighted? Well, it turns out that he’s only gone and lost the betting slip which he legally needs to get his winnings from the bookies. He pleads with Dan and Harry but they insist on having the slip. The slip gives them all the slip and the house is turned upside down as the great hunt for the betting slip takes place, cushions are overturned, boxes are emptied, letters are opened but nothing is found. Not until Paul finds the betting slip in one of Vera’s novels. He’s ready to come clean and tell Jack the good news but Tyrone and Molly tell Paul some news of their own first. And when Paul finds out that he’s not wanted in the house once Jack sells it on to the young ‘uns, he decides to keep the betting slip and he slips it into his back pocket and gives Jack the slip when he slips out to the pub for a sip and some supper. And as if poor Jack hasn’t got enough on his plate. This week he’s had to make a quick escape every time he spied Emily and Rita who have made it their mission to cheer up the newly widowed and take him out for spot of beige drinking.
Alex and Ryan, brothers in nowt but hair colour, aren’t getting on and who can blame poor Ryan for sulking up in his room now that doppelganger (I love that word and aim to use it again before this paragraph has finished) Alex has moved into the Rovers? Michelle loves her new son better than her old son although she’ll tell anyone who’ll listen that she loves them both the same. Despite the jet black shiny hair, Alex is Michelle’s golden boy. Steve knows enough to tut and make faces every time Michelle takes sides with Alex over Ryan, but he needs to put his foot down. Next on the list will be a doppelganger (told you) boyfriend who looks just like Steve, but somehow quite isn’t. The old Steve and old Ryan will sit upstairs in the Rovers eating jam on dry toast as they watch the portable telly in the back room, the one without any heating in it while the new Steve and new Ryan (aka Alex) will dine on fine hot pot and ale downstairs in the back room in front of a roaring central heating appliance. Of course, Norris finds out the gossip about Michelle’s real son turning up on the Street and the news spreads like jam on dry toast all the way to Eileen and back to Steve at Streetcars who confirms it’s all true and does another tut.
Elsewhere, Eyeball Tony the Catalogue Man does a spot of breaking and entering after nicking the keys to Carla’s flat from her handbag. She thinks there’s an intruder and when she finds out it’s ET-the-CM she yells at him to leave. “I am CARLA CONNOR!” she screams. Well, I was scared. But Eyeball Tony manages to win her round with his beef dish he’d kept on a low simmer all night. After slinking into her flat, Carla likened Eyeball Tony to the Milk Tray Man, remember him? And all because the lady loves…... a quick shag with a nutter.
Over at Underworld, it’s been all go in the factory this week. Not at the machines, you understand, as all the best dialogue and action happen at tea-break time. Kelly decides she wants to control her destiny with cosmic ordering. Is that what Curly did for Racquel that time when he bought her the star?
And finally this week, Sean has been upsetting Violet no end. The poor woman gets bigger every time she appears on screen and although she says she’s got another four weeks before the baby is born, she’ll be lucky to get through four episodes the state that she’s in. Hormonal and heavy, she’s craving ice-cream and shouting at Jamie to get Sean out of her life and away from the baby. So when Sean brings a non-speaking extra called Bob to Violet’s flat to do a spot of cleaning in time for the home birth, she’s not best pleased. as you’d expect. Outside the Rovers, the cast budget stretched a little further when another extra was given a couple of lines to say, the likes of which we may never hear again, advising Jamie to stop having babies once they’d reached number four. He had six of his own and wouldn’t recommend it. Anyway, on with the show, and Violet and Jamie decide to run away somewhere where Sean can’t find them or come looking for them. Mind you, the state Violet’s in, she’ll not be running anywhere and a slow waddle from Weatherfield may be in order.
Coronation Street writers this week were Stephen Bennett, Catherine Hayes, Peter Whalley, David Lane and Simon Crowther.
And that’s just about that for this week.
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